Over the summer I started a painting that was, well, rather difficult for me as it involved a lot of complicated swerves and precise paint-brush control. It is inspired by a wallpaper design from the 30s.

After having penciled out the initial curves I was so fed up with it that I left it for at least a month and painted something more free and colourful.

Then I came back to it in October and started adding the background colour. A neutral beige.

Then I started adding the background pattern; a kind of coral like structure.

Getting the symmetry at least looking right on the swerves had been so painful that I decided to make things easier on myself with the corals and actually trace and flip so as to speed things up.

 

Finding and then mixing the right shades of pinks and burgundy was also quite difficult as was brush control - or painting within the lines. Phew!

I hadn't initially thought it was going to be all pinks and burgundies but that's were it took me...

Here I am painting away one autumn day...

Nearly finished! I need to go over the white swerves again to make them pop and then touch up bits and do the sides...

What do you think?

I'll post the finished piece soon I hope...

Adventure park!

A couple of weeks ago we took the kids to an adventure park in an attempt to tire them out. Well they had a lot of fun but while we were exhausted at the end of the morning they were on a total adrenaline high! 

Santorini

A couple of weeks ago, to celebrate my 40th birthday, my honey took us to Santorini (no kids!!)

Santorini is not all white and blue as depicted in the postcards because it is a volcanic island there is a lot of dark (extremely fertile) soil and the houses are actually all kinds of colours which gives it a bit more character. The light is magical.

Finally, here are some pics:

For the rest of the pics click here!

Jumping in muddy puddles!

So after all the rain, this afternoon when it finally stopped, I we decided we definitely needed to get out and indulge in some fresh air puddle jumping.

And the kids LOVED it of course!

 Until William fell head first into a muddy puddle.

Seriously, I know he looks very distraught, but it was REALLY hard not to laugh - even for Emma.

There were brown puddles at their feet as we took their boots and clothes off when we got home but after a warm bath they were happily playing lego in their pajamas, the cold and dirt completely forgotten.

The things about William

When asked about his name he will answer you "Jingle bells" or "Imam" because he can't yet pronounce the sound "W"  and because he likes being funny.

That's an improvement because he used to call himself "Ama"  - as in what he calls his sister. Come to think of it,  Emma speaks of herself in the third person when talking to him so I guess that's what confused him.

He is the most independent little boy in the world always saying "my do!" and is always running to wherever he needs to go to do whatever he needs to do -except if he is sick and then's it's more like "mummy carry me".

He is super enthusiastic but lacks the words to say things he wants to say so he mimicks and exclaims and waves his arms about like a stressed out trader at the stock-exchange or an Italian politician.

He is super sensitive and caring, immediately giving you a kiss and saying sorry if he knocks you or hears you say "ouch" asking "mummy betta?" and is sorry to tears if he breaks something or if someone screams at him.

He is stubborn as can be and never forgets the toy you promised he could play with the next morning or the book you need to return to the library even if you have.

At around 6 am, he puts the blinds up in his room - at the risk of setting the alarm off - to check if it is daylight enough to get out of bed.

He tells you to "go away" if he wants to open something on his own or play with Emma or be alone in the bathroom and seconds later will call out "holp me!"

He often says "my like my mummy, my papa, my Ama" although sometimes it's "my like my mummy, my no like my papa/Ama"

When he  is sick he will tell you "My no beta." "Tomonno my beta" or "my mummy buy syrop" in a way that melts your heart.

He tells me his tooth is also wobbly (like Emma's) and  pretends to be reading the cereal box after Emma has told him what it says.

He can laugh and cry within minutes of the other and has the greatest sense of humor.
He likes to charm the ladies and gives out kisses quite happily.

He has mastered the rudimentary basics of household economics: telling  me when there is no more milk/cereal/crackers and say "mummy buy shop".

He loves "buberries" and "black-buberries" with his cereal.

Darling boy, we are so happy to have you!

Before we left for a week in Geneva last July, I wrote the below post (on July 19th) but did not post it. Was it perhaps too difficult to own up to? Had I not yet decided what to do with it?
Now that we are back and have survived the week in Geneva (more on that perhaps in another post) here are my thoughts on some of the difficulties of being a family of 4, on Emma's poo and my fear of becoming only a disciplining Mum that has no time & energy for fun.


Sometimes being a family of four is great. Most of the time at the moment it's just plain exhausting. I feel stretched. At the end of the day I feel drained and I find there are way too many tears for my taste. Often we joke we are turning into Sue Ellens and that Prosecco has become a crutch to lean on that lightens the load at the end of the day.
I try not to feel bad about the fact that my weekly hour of freedom for myself (my Pilates class) is the highlight of my week. Steph fights the guilt of enjoying time at the office more than time at home, something he has always thought was awful when other people admitted to it.

I often think of moments when I was quick to judge other families or mothers living in messy environments or cutting corners that to me seemed non-negotiable. I now realize how important it is to choose 30 minutes of fun with your family or a nourishing chat on the phone or walk in the park over a tidy living room. And yes, often you have to prioritize. I'm learning to live with the mess and tolerate a bit more chaos although it still makes me suffer. It's tough for me to learn to say "tant pis!" and let go. And luckily we have a good cleaner twice a week.

Our life has changed us a lot. The lack of sleep, the stress and the lack of attention for some has brought out the less positive sides in each of us.

Emma has become more difficult. She can be utterly adorable one moment and so utterly complicated, uncooperative and totally stubborn the next. I cannot count the times we have repeat "No!" although she fully knows that she is not allowed whatever it may be, run after her as she dashes off or ask her to lower her voice when she shouts as William is just drifting to sleep. So much naughtiness and provocation to catch our attention despite our best efforts to compliment her successes, dispense loads of hugs and I love yous and spend time with her and listening to her chatter away or sing.

Among my worst, my "controlling" side comes out as I fear family holidays will disrupt our still fragile routine that our precious sleep depends on. I often gasp for air as I seek a moment of quietness so as to be able to think. Music and singing helps. Even cooking and doing the dishes, I have discovered, can offer a good break. Also, I find that by the end of the day, my patience is scarce, my temper short and I cannot face having to repeat the same requests over and over again. I wish I had the perspective to find the right attitude and words and not and whatever it is that would help me not get angry. I realize anger and impatience do not help in getting things done with Emma, but I find it so hard to keep cool in the face of her testing. With hindsight, once she is in bed, I can see that she is only fighting for attention now that mine has to be divided between her and William, but on the spur of the moment, it's hard for me not to react with this perspective. **

Steph's overly-expeditive side and impatience is triggered as he tries to eliminate any non-essential information when his brain overloads between work and family. Not great when you want to talk...

The thing I regret the most is that it's really hard to find the time and energy to have fun especially with Emma once we're done with the dressing, feeding, disciplining and getting wherever we are going and all the other logistics.

Will is the sweetest when he is awake - but at night or when he is about to drop off - whoa! I know he is just de-stressing from the activities of the day, but his cries are so loud and his feeding can be so voracious it's sometimes hard to calm down myself.

At the moment Emma is constipating herself, clinging on to babyhood in the form of poo. One moment she is shooing us away telling us that she can do whatever it is on her own and the next she screams she is a baby and "ich kann nich alleine!". Watching her make herself suffer so much, I have literally wanted to shake the poo out of her. She cries "caca Mama!" as she holds it in and we have not yet found a way to help her other than giving her a glycerin suppository (laxative) to ease the pain after three days of no-poo. (I am so scared she will become dependent on these!) We repeatedly give her a nappy to poo in when she asks for one and tell her it's ok to use a nappy if she needs to (the rest of the time she is in underpants and pees in the toilet - even at night time and no accidents). And still, she fights the need to go and cries and cries and all I can tell her is that she "will feel better after making caca", that "it only hurts when you keep it in", that "everyone's caca goes into the loo", etc. For a day or two, things improve and she will poo in her nappy and then we are back to the same.
For sure this is self-inflicted. She drinks plenty and eats enough fruit and fiber and has not ever been constipated until she started voluntarily withholding this summer. Our pediatrician has told me his son constipated himself for 8 days when his sibling was born and that he would hide under the table claiming there was a crocodile in his bum.

Our couple? no time.
Conversations? no time and no energy.
Social life? non-existant.
Sometimes we go on walks to tire Emma out and so we can talk a bit. Doesn't that sound awful? But it's true.
Often the best moment of the day is when both kids are asleep and we can just collapse on the sofa in front of the telly or the Internet and actually manage to drink a cup of tea (until the end) or make a phone call.
Do we feel guilty? Of course we do sometimes. Other times I find the perspective to tell myself it's temporary. Soon enough, William will be big enough to play with Emma and both of them will require less logistics. Then I'll have more energy to play with both of them and not only the time to do all the things they need doing and that are good for them but that they don't appreciate, don't see and don't enjoy. It's actually really hard having enough time and energy to also be the fun parent and enjoy your children.

It's really hard to love them so much and yet to also to feel the need of a rest from them so often.

Anyway, it's hard but it's far from being all bad so here's a little video of a fun time this week-end. May there be many more.

** Since then, I spoke to my Dad who suggested I pretend I am employed to take care of Emma and William so as to gain the necessary perspective and emotional distance when I feel I am about to get too impatient or loose my temper. I think it's a good idea, sort of like asking yourself what you would advise a friend to do in your situation, it enables you to "do what I say and not what I do" which is so often the wiser route.

Goodbye lousy day

It's been a lousy day.

Apart from Emma being better, which is a huge relief -

Emma enjoying some post-gastritis dry bread

Emma reading a Peppa Pig book to her "loup" (wolf) friend

November 27th has been quite a series of really annoying hiccups.

The day started off with an email from Steph (currently on a business trip in Budapest) informing me that he had lost his mobile phone and was going to be unreachable except via his blackberry.

After a morning expending energy at the park and a good lunch and nap, I decided Emma and I could celebrate her getting better with a new dress. I hesitated going to town at this late hour on a Friday afternoon but I figured tomorrow would be worse, so to town we went.

I parked under the Ringstrassen galerien and hurried off towards the nearest H&M. I guess I had not completely zipped my bag closed having just used my wallet to pay the entrance of the parking (I use my direct debit to enter and then again to exit -so much more practical!) and was trying to keep up with Emma who was running off ahead of me and the buggy, when a woman I felt instant antipathy for, asked me for some Geld.
I waved her off in English saying I didn't understand but kept focusing on Emma who was running ahead - something the woman no doubt had noticed too. She got closer to my left side and repeated her request for money in English to which I exclaimed "NO!" giving her a dark look and rushing past her to catch Emma.

Having caught up with Emma who was playing independent in the Christmas shopping crowd - refusing to hold my hand or sit in the buggy - we finally get to H&M where I quickly find a pretty dress we both like and head to pay for it.

Only my wallet had vanished.

Immediately the woman's face flashed before my eyes and leaving the dress on the counter, I ran back to the crime scene as quickly as the crowd and buggy allowed. Naturally, she was nowhere to be seen.

I suddenly realized I could not get the car out of the parking without my bank cards and I could not get a cab home without a penny and no access to a hole in the wall. To make things worse, Steph was in Budapest.
On the bright side, I realized I still had my car keys and phone. And Emma was singing Frères Jacques.

What to do?
I broke out in cold sweat and fury, wishing I could find the woman and get my stuff back - she could keep the money, I just wanted my cards and wallet back!

I kept scanning the crowd but realized there was little chance I could spot her without her spotting me first, especially since I was wearing my bright green coat in the midst of a crowd clothed in black.

Hoping against all hope I ran back to our car, figuring my wallet might still be in it, what with Emma fussing about which book to take with her and then getting her into, then out of, the buggy.

No luck.

Finally, I reasoned I needed to block my cards and make sure I could still get the car out of the parking and get us home. A kind employee from the parking walked Emma and me to the nearest Police station where I made calls to block my credit and bank cards and made a deposition. All the while Emma typed on the Police department's computer and was entertained by her first man in uniform.

Emma and her sitter-man in uniform

I have to tell you that all this kindness nearly caused me to forget how upset I was at the whole incident. I do realize that a pregnant mother of a young, cute child provokes sympathy and that it is their job to help citizens in need, but I have not often encountered such benevolence in a police department. So Hurray! and a big, fat medal for the Viennese Police for being so friendly, helpful and efficient. I hope the other 100/day victims of purse theft get the same treatment. If only they could catch the thief and get my wallet back too!

While we are at the Police station, my phone rings; it's Nina from one of my favorite shops in Vienna telling me that the top I wanted has arrived in my size and that I can pick it up tomorrow. Yeah, how? I have no money, no plastic. Luckily, Nina agrees to hold it for me.

Nearly three hours after the approximate time of the theft, Emma and I headed back to the garage where the kind parking employee made sure we and our car were let out without any further ado.

On our way home, the phone rang flashing an unknown number; Steph's flight, it turns out is postponed for mysterious reasons.

Oh boy.

Well, at the rate our luck is going today, perhaps it's better that the flight technicians double check the plane...

At home, the phone rings again as I am putting Emma to bed after a quick dinner; Steph's flight has been canceled. No cars available. They are trying to get a flight back for tomorrow morning.

Well, at least he's with a nice colleague and they can get themselves some dinner and glass of wine before sleeping the day off.

And, at least Emma and I are safely home, no physical injuries, healthy and warm. Could have been worse, I guess.

But I do resent that woman for stealing from me. For picking on another woman. For picking on someone who was running after her kid and could not have run after her even if I had (consciously) noticed what she was doing. I hope she sees the smiling pics of Emma, Steph and I in my wallet and feels bad. I hope she decides to take my wallet to a shop, hotel or police station saying she found it so I can get it back.

A text from Steph; they have found a hotel room and are off to dinner.

Tomorrow is another day.

Vienna take 2, week-end N°1

So how was our first family week-end back in Vienna?

We went bicycling with Emma for the very first time and lost her hat.
As you can see, I was a bit wobbly in the beginning, but in my defense, Em' kept kicking my bum and tugging at my top.

I was a bit disappointed by the lack of bicycle lanes in Vienna, I thought there would be at least as many as in Geneva and I haven't seen any so far!

***

We discovered Emma had played Indians with her nappy cream during her nap... (hadn't realized she'd taken it to bed with her from the nappy station)

***

She also managed to stand for the first time (doesn't she already look computer literate?!)

notice the cute "déhanché"

***

We decorated and improved the garden wall:

Before

After

Better, no? What do you think?
***

We had a yummy macchiato at Bar Italia (not the London one!)

Finally, the sun came out and we visited the MUMOK (Museum Moderner Kunst) and saw and exhibit ironically called Bad Painting good art which was interesting.

The pictures below show the MQ (Museums Quarter) with lilac concrete sun-beds, classical architecture and cafés.

A really interesting mix and in my opinion, a great idea to avoid culture getting that old and dusty feel. There was even a DJ at work in the centre of the "platz" and Mojitos going round. Nice!

Laughing gal & off we go again

Emma is back from Singapore and glad to see her Daddy!

Listen to Emma laughing at Steph's "Japanesing"

We arrived back in Vienna on Good Friday and were supposed to be flying back to Geneva tomorrow (Easter Monday) but we changed out flight a couple of hours ago and are going today!

Emma in her "bassinet" on the SQ flight back to Europe
sheltered behind an improvised curtain
to protect her from the harsh lighting of the plane

I still dislike it but I'm becoming incredibly good at packing, unpacking and repacking even if it's for an entirely different climate and for Emma and me.

As for Emma, she has taken a plane more times than her age in months!

Happy Easter people!

with love from Singapore

So with all that's been going on and to cut to the chase, let's just say that:

• the work that needs doing in the flat is bad enough for them to have offered to send the three of us to a thermal spa for a week - all expenses paid (Oh! God! something tells me this time it is worse than bad)
  
• we refused the offer and have decided to start searching for a new home in Vienna
  
• but since the work needs doing now and we have been unsettled for the past 8 months, we figured a little more wouldn't harm us and so we decided to take the opportunity and visit family in Singapore!
  

So here we are, enjoying the sticky warm weather, sushi, shopping and a well deserved break from it all. (may I say that in all immodesty, I am patting myself on the back for moving ahead on my 2008 resolutions and doing my best not to spend too much time dwelling and moping as I did when we first arrived in Izmir, determined as I am to turn this ongoing disaster into an opportunity!) 

So, Emma took her first long distance flight with Singapore Airlines, no less, where she had the best and most comfortable bed of all.

Shortly after arrival, a dip in the pool 

and a nap in the shade helped us recover from the jet-lag