To swim or not to swim and managing expectations

Yesterday was Emma's first swimming lesson (of 10 as the course takes place every week-day over 2 weeks). Parents are not allowed to stay so that the teacher is the sole authority & the kids concentrate on the task at hand.

For the first two lessons they ask you to stay in (or near) the building so that you can take your kid home or intervene should things go totally south.

No call while Will and I walked around the neighborhood; 10, then 15, 20 and 30 minutes went by. I began to feel confident that Emma was doing fine despite the fact that on Saturday she had refused to swim when we went to the nearest public pool with a friend of hers.

10 minutes before the end of the lesson I went up to the waiting room and then to the changing room with the other parents. Emma was not long.

She came through the door and told me she had not swum. The swimming teacher confirmed that she had spent the hour sitting on the edge of the pool, watching, despite repeated invitations to join the others in the water. "Keine Chance" were his exact words.
Plonk. (the sound of my heart sinking)

I was really sad that she had not enjoyed herself and participated. Then as I drove home and rushed to make dinner quickly so that we would still make Will's bed-time I began to feel extremely annoyed at Emma. Tout ça pour ça (all that for nothing as they say in French).

I know this is me being impatient and frustrated and not her fault. My expectations, my hopes. She was fine. She even told her Dad that she had been swimming. I told her it was ok and that we would give it another go. She could not care less. She just wanted dinner to be served and to play with her dolls.

I realize it's not going to help if I push her. But in all honesty I was angry that she had not even given it a go.

This is a recurring thing; both Steph and I are impatient and quick. We tend to want to move on with things. And because Emma is such a big girl in many aspects as well as enthusiastic and bright we do expect a lot of her. Also, especially initially, she seemed even more mature in comparison to William. But Emma likes to take her time, gaze into space, walk slowly. Stall. Make excuses. Ask us to wait. Tell us she "just has to feed (my) baby".

Emma needs to take her time. She walked at 18 months. It took her ages to poo in the toilet and not her nappy. Honestly, I was despairing. At gym class (Turnen) it had been the same. She had spent lots of time watching kids first and only then did she timidly try herself. Often screaming for help in the middle or saying she could not do it. Only encouragement, loads of praise and patience helped. And the fact that she was doing the class with friends meant she truly enjoyed her gym classes. Unfortunately, no children of her kindergarden are doing the swimming course at the same time as her.
Recently she went to the forest on a school trip and screamed when she realized the ground under her feet was soft. She asked to be carried. Eventually her kindergarden teacher calmed her down and convinced her she could not be carried. But she did tell me that Emma had seemed panicked. She totally dislikes leaving her comfort zone.
I have to learn to deal with my disappointment and not make her bear it. She has her own timing - however annoying it may be to me, I have to respect it and let her learn at her pace. Somehow I have to keep in mind that she is a little girl and that she wants to stay little - which is ok - for some things, a little longer than I would like. I have to respect that.

I must say though, especially in the light of this last episode, that I am really apprehending the move and the changes it will bring and that I will have to somehow manage.

As for the swimming, I think we will try again tomorrow and hopefully she will feel more confident. If not, to hell with it, we have other things to do and enjoy in Vienna before we leave in a month.

Learning to fall

William is in the process of learning to stand by himself and it occurred to me that the hardest part -now that he can pull himself up- is learning to fall. As in life, don't you think?

Learning how to manage a fall and pick yourself up is just as important as learning and being able to navigate your life.

So I am trying to show William that he will be ok if he lets go and falls, that bending his knees a little helps, that his tush is soft and sturdy enough to cushion the blow, that he will be safe.


Emma, at the good old age of 3,5 is also learning to fall. In fact, for the first time that I can recall she is falling a lot -not out of clumsiness as has often happened when she is tired - but at out actually being able to let go of her cautiousness. She is riding her balance bike - the one without pedals - and falling a lot because she is going fast! and downhill! and boy is she falling!!! But it's great to see because she is daring to do things she never dared to do before.

I think this is one of those times when I have a lot to learn from my little ones.

Before we left for a week in Geneva last July, I wrote the below post (on July 19th) but did not post it. Was it perhaps too difficult to own up to? Had I not yet decided what to do with it?
Now that we are back and have survived the week in Geneva (more on that perhaps in another post) here are my thoughts on some of the difficulties of being a family of 4, on Emma's poo and my fear of becoming only a disciplining Mum that has no time & energy for fun.


Sometimes being a family of four is great. Most of the time at the moment it's just plain exhausting. I feel stretched. At the end of the day I feel drained and I find there are way too many tears for my taste. Often we joke we are turning into Sue Ellens and that Prosecco has become a crutch to lean on that lightens the load at the end of the day.
I try not to feel bad about the fact that my weekly hour of freedom for myself (my Pilates class) is the highlight of my week. Steph fights the guilt of enjoying time at the office more than time at home, something he has always thought was awful when other people admitted to it.

I often think of moments when I was quick to judge other families or mothers living in messy environments or cutting corners that to me seemed non-negotiable. I now realize how important it is to choose 30 minutes of fun with your family or a nourishing chat on the phone or walk in the park over a tidy living room. And yes, often you have to prioritize. I'm learning to live with the mess and tolerate a bit more chaos although it still makes me suffer. It's tough for me to learn to say "tant pis!" and let go. And luckily we have a good cleaner twice a week.

Our life has changed us a lot. The lack of sleep, the stress and the lack of attention for some has brought out the less positive sides in each of us.

Emma has become more difficult. She can be utterly adorable one moment and so utterly complicated, uncooperative and totally stubborn the next. I cannot count the times we have repeat "No!" although she fully knows that she is not allowed whatever it may be, run after her as she dashes off or ask her to lower her voice when she shouts as William is just drifting to sleep. So much naughtiness and provocation to catch our attention despite our best efforts to compliment her successes, dispense loads of hugs and I love yous and spend time with her and listening to her chatter away or sing.

Among my worst, my "controlling" side comes out as I fear family holidays will disrupt our still fragile routine that our precious sleep depends on. I often gasp for air as I seek a moment of quietness so as to be able to think. Music and singing helps. Even cooking and doing the dishes, I have discovered, can offer a good break. Also, I find that by the end of the day, my patience is scarce, my temper short and I cannot face having to repeat the same requests over and over again. I wish I had the perspective to find the right attitude and words and not and whatever it is that would help me not get angry. I realize anger and impatience do not help in getting things done with Emma, but I find it so hard to keep cool in the face of her testing. With hindsight, once she is in bed, I can see that she is only fighting for attention now that mine has to be divided between her and William, but on the spur of the moment, it's hard for me not to react with this perspective. **

Steph's overly-expeditive side and impatience is triggered as he tries to eliminate any non-essential information when his brain overloads between work and family. Not great when you want to talk...

The thing I regret the most is that it's really hard to find the time and energy to have fun especially with Emma once we're done with the dressing, feeding, disciplining and getting wherever we are going and all the other logistics.

Will is the sweetest when he is awake - but at night or when he is about to drop off - whoa! I know he is just de-stressing from the activities of the day, but his cries are so loud and his feeding can be so voracious it's sometimes hard to calm down myself.

At the moment Emma is constipating herself, clinging on to babyhood in the form of poo. One moment she is shooing us away telling us that she can do whatever it is on her own and the next she screams she is a baby and "ich kann nich alleine!". Watching her make herself suffer so much, I have literally wanted to shake the poo out of her. She cries "caca Mama!" as she holds it in and we have not yet found a way to help her other than giving her a glycerin suppository (laxative) to ease the pain after three days of no-poo. (I am so scared she will become dependent on these!) We repeatedly give her a nappy to poo in when she asks for one and tell her it's ok to use a nappy if she needs to (the rest of the time she is in underpants and pees in the toilet - even at night time and no accidents). And still, she fights the need to go and cries and cries and all I can tell her is that she "will feel better after making caca", that "it only hurts when you keep it in", that "everyone's caca goes into the loo", etc. For a day or two, things improve and she will poo in her nappy and then we are back to the same.
For sure this is self-inflicted. She drinks plenty and eats enough fruit and fiber and has not ever been constipated until she started voluntarily withholding this summer. Our pediatrician has told me his son constipated himself for 8 days when his sibling was born and that he would hide under the table claiming there was a crocodile in his bum.

Our couple? no time.
Conversations? no time and no energy.
Social life? non-existant.
Sometimes we go on walks to tire Emma out and so we can talk a bit. Doesn't that sound awful? But it's true.
Often the best moment of the day is when both kids are asleep and we can just collapse on the sofa in front of the telly or the Internet and actually manage to drink a cup of tea (until the end) or make a phone call.
Do we feel guilty? Of course we do sometimes. Other times I find the perspective to tell myself it's temporary. Soon enough, William will be big enough to play with Emma and both of them will require less logistics. Then I'll have more energy to play with both of them and not only the time to do all the things they need doing and that are good for them but that they don't appreciate, don't see and don't enjoy. It's actually really hard having enough time and energy to also be the fun parent and enjoy your children.

It's really hard to love them so much and yet to also to feel the need of a rest from them so often.

Anyway, it's hard but it's far from being all bad so here's a little video of a fun time this week-end. May there be many more.

** Since then, I spoke to my Dad who suggested I pretend I am employed to take care of Emma and William so as to gain the necessary perspective and emotional distance when I feel I am about to get too impatient or loose my temper. I think it's a good idea, sort of like asking yourself what you would advise a friend to do in your situation, it enables you to "do what I say and not what I do" which is so often the wiser route.

I wish myself

Some birth affirmations to help me welcome (giving birth to) our littlest one :

My baby is strong and healthy

My baby is safe and birth is easy and smooth

My cervix is opening and allows my baby to move down

My body knows exactly what to do

I trust my body to know what it needs to do

My baby will come when he is ready

I recover quickly and remain healthy

Untapped sources of strength and patience are available to me

I welcome my labor as the perfect one for me, my baby and my family

I welcome my beautiful, healthy baby into the world

My baby feels my joy

I welcome this opportunity to grow, learn and change

My muscles work in harmony to ease the baby into the world gently and smoothly

My breath is strong, deep and easy

I love and trust my body

I trust my intuition

My baby will come at the perfect moment

I receive all the love and support I need

I feel happy, safe and strong

My baby receives all the love and nourishment he needs

Emma continues to feel happy, safe and loved

I have unlimited patience and resources of energy and love

I am a wonderful mother to both my children

I am a wonderful mother to myself

I am a wonderful partner to my love

This is a beautiful time in our lives



I wish myself and my family all of the above

A little anxious...

Here we are in the last stretch. The last 5 weeks. The longest part of it.

This morning the baby's hiccups woke me up around 5am. I have been sleeping exclusively on my left side for months now as I can no longer turn around without causing major disruption in my own and Steph's sleep and waking myself up entirely. My nose has been blocked since December. Eating has become a real pain - due to above-mentioned blocked nose. And baby jumping on bladder means my WC - free autonomy is pathetic.

I don't want to sound ungrateful - because really, I am so very happy everything (well, all the important stuff) is going well - but I am kind of getting fed up of being pregnant. I wouldn't mind having my body back now... Of course, I don't want the baby to come this early (please take your time and stay another month) but, in all honesty, I would really appreciate being able to breathe, eat, sleep normally as well as not need to pee every 30 minutes.

(Note: As if! Yes, I think I do know that although I will have most of my body back I will be getting less sleep and will have a baby in tow 24/7, a new life to deal with, etc. ... bear with me, ok?)

Also, things are so good with Emma at the moment that I am kind of anxious about the baby arriving and disrupting our nice little rhythm. A friend of mine was telling me last week that right at the end of her second pregnancy she wished she could just stay pregnant. She didn't want to give birth because things were just fine as they were. At the time I thought : "What?! Stay pregnant longer?! I couldn't wait for Emma to be born!" But now, I get it. The second one is not the same.

What if Emma hates me? What if I can't find the energy and time and split myself into (at least) 2 to be there for both of them? What if this baby rocks the boat to the point where I really dislike him? or, on the contrary, what if I get so absorbed in him that I find Emma annoying interrupting our little "tête à tête" breast-feeding sessions with her loud and enthusiastic voice and requests for attention? What if I don't find the patience? What if I just can't handle it all at once and want to run away to a silent beach or a coffee & chat with a friend in nice clothes and no laundry to be done?

All of this will probably happen. And I know that there will be moments where I will feel totally overwhelmed and crazy and desperate. There will also be moments where I will feel like the luckiest person alive.

The first time around I was so happy. (Despite being in worse shape physically, having painful swollen legs and feet, being absolutely huge, being in transit from Izmir to Geneva to Vienna for God's sake! having a crazy thyroid and bringing Emma back to my mother-in-laws and not our home, not knowing where we were going to live and then finally moving into a disaster area of a flat before spending over six months in Geneva while Steph was in Vienna, etc.) I was really happy. Sometimes I felt a bit robbed of the moment, like I could not fully enjoy our first months together due to all this external chaos but overall I was absolutely over the moon with Emma and with being her Mum.

Even before she was born, I was so enthusiastic and looked forward to meeting Emma. I had no clue about the sleepless nights to come, being more tired than is imaginable, that I would sometimes want to cry out of exhaustion or scream from frustration at just wanting to have 30 minutes to myself or feel totally at a loss when Emma was crying incessantly and not being able to make her stop. Ah! the innocence.

Granted, these moments were short-lived and are really blurry and minor memories compared to the joy and pride and sheer fulfillment I feel when I look at Emma (or sometimes even a picture of her), when I hear her laugh or see the sparkle in her eye as she smiles. She has grown so much and it's not often that I can cuddle her for more than a minute now days (unless she is ill or grumpy).

The love was bigger, greater, fatter and more enveloping than all the rest of it.

But now, I worry that her little brother will disrupt her happiness, our balance, and at the same time, I feel quite horrible to be worried about this instead of being overwhelmed with joy about welcoming our little boy. I cannot remember feeling worried about our life changing due to Emma. I worry, will I love him like I love her?

It's just that, there is only one single first time - in everything - and I wish I could be as fresh to motherhood this time as I was with Emma and at the same time for it not to hurt her or me or us. I want the good without the bad and it's impossible. I cannot be the same parent to both children, simply because I am not entirely the same person as I was nearly three years ago before Emma became a part of our lives.

***

Update (16th March 2010):
I feel a bit less anxious today. I feel a bit more faith in... life? I know that at least this time we will not be moving with a newborn and that we have a stable environment in which to welcome our baby. Our home, some friends and greater knowledge of the city. Spring is on its way and with it Vienna becomes a much nicer place to live. All this adds up to us having more energy and a better network to help us through the first few months. We also have a short family holiday planned to the sun which I am looking forward to.
Emma, although possessive and used to being the centre of our world, will also benefit from her brother's arrival. And she is a very resourceful little girl. She now also has a life outside of our home with friends at kindergarden and gym class and the park. Also, a few family members will be visiting us this Spring and hopefully she will also find solace in their love and attention.
All we can do is our best to include her and support her and each other during this time. With a bit of luck, it will be alright.

Welcome Sasha

Emma's third cousin was born on July 11th at 7h43am in Singapore.

He is reported to be healthy and handsome. Stats are: 3,030kg and 50cm

His Mummy said it was the easiest of her three births! Proving that it doesn't necessarily get harder with age - or maybe to him being the first boy?

Below a pic of Sasha's sisters (Emma's older cousins) Tara (2004) and Lana (2006)

Congrats to his Mum, Dad, Sisters and Grand-parents!

having a second child... or not?

To have N° 2 or not to have N° 2... that is the question which is hovering in our household and on my mind these days.

I am going to be 36 in 3 months. My husband is 2 years younger. Emma is 19 months old. We love her to bits. Hopefully we will be staying in Vienna long enough not to have to move with a new-born again unless we wait too long.... but I can't say we are currently in a great big hurry to do anything about having N° 2.

Before I got pregnant with Emma, and looking at friends' kids, I thought 2 or 3 years difference was not small. Now I'm thinking more along the lines of "as long as it's under 4" (um.. or under 40). In my defense, should I need one, the Viennese winter with a toddler is about the most "I don't want to do this with two" inducing environment there is.

There is also the fact, that I can't help feeling that I am only just now enjoying some "me-time". Well, since she started kindergarden last autumn, really. Although, I realize I have said this a few times since she was 6 months old. With each milestone (full night's sleep, sitting, crawling, eating on her own, walking...) come some challenges but also more independence and more interesting occupations and activities for both of us.
Emma is now walking and talking a bit. She goes to kindergarden in the mornings and we do stuff together in the afternoons (playing, reading, park-going, but also the occasional food shopping at the market, cooking dinner, stuffing the wet laundry into the dryer...).

I like my own time. I like doing Pilates twice a week, having time to walk the streets of Vienna lost in my thoughts and observations, being able to go to a trendy café even if it's a bit smoky for a chat and a panino. I like taking some time to read my emails and visit other blogs, or read the paper on-line with a home made latte sprinkled with grated chocolate.
I also like the fact that when I am with Emma I can spend quality time with her because I have had my own time in the morning (reading, walking, writing, painting, shopping, talking, seeing friends, doing sports, whatever...).

It took me a while to realize that it was a lot less frustrating for me (and no doubt for her) if I did one thing at a time properly. One hours' play then one hours' cooking while Emma places stones in moulds with me in the kitchen. Then 30 minutes "reading" together while the meal simmers, and 20 minutes "Neighborhood animals" for Emma while her Dad and I have a chat. Then her dinner time, bath time, bed-time... We've got a routine going. Most of the time, it runs pretty smoothly.

I now find it much harder to function with the lack of sleep if she has a couple of bad nights due to a blocked nose or teething and find it absolutely exhausting having her home all day (when she is sick). In fact, I cannot imagine that I did it for nearly 15 months. I have grown accustomed to my comfort once again.

Admittedly, when babes are babies you can walk them around the shops, take them to lunch with your friends or with you practically everywhere and they will sleep/feed pretty easily. But what when you have a babe and a toddler? You can no longer nap when your babe naps to compensate for your night breastfeeding. You can no longer sip latte's on sunny terraces while your babe snoozes in the shade and enjoy a chat with a friend... You need to plan for two totally different ages/needs and try not to forget yourself... Yikes!


It's hard 'cause I feel the pressure of age (mine), and time passing by. I feel the pressure of the "if you wait too long you might not want to have a second" or another truism: "you might not get pregnant again right away...". I worry that the second will take away from Emma and our quality of life. I absolutely hated feeling torn in between my dog's needs and Emma's as a tiny babe. Constantly trying to satisfy both and failing miserably yet feeling constantly stressed and tired. I know I will hate feeling torn in between two of my children. Right now, I cannot see the benefits. Interestingly, hubs and I are rather aligned on this, although our alternate ups and downs aren't necessarily simultaneous.

Most importantly, I really wanted Emma. I loved discovering we were pregnant. Loved being pregnant with her (except for the last month where I was totally fed up and impatient to meet her) and loved having her. I don't feel that way yet about a second child. Maybe I will, if we wait a while longer. Maybe I won't and then we'll see.
I think you need to want a child. And as long as that's not the case we can discuss and think it over endlessly but it won't make me feel I want it.
So... like a friend of mine said in other circumstances entirely, "ask me after the summer!" and let's enjoy the spring and another birthday as a threesome.

For more reading on the subject: having a second child

Sources of Joy

Emma has been going to the kindergarten for two weeks now and so far, seems to have taken to it like a fish to water.


She gradually went from spending 30 minutes to an exceptional 5 hours yesterday (9am to 2pm including lunch and a nap) after she had caught the flu, got better and passed it on to me. I desperately needed some extra sleep.

She is the youngest of the sunshine group (there are three different age groups) and their little liebling (darling). Melanie, the group teacher and the leiterin (head) are amazed at how calmly she observes other children cry as their parents leave. I give her a kiss and we wave "ciao ciao" and off I go. They even asked me for the "recipe" for an "Emma"!
Ok, she is good, but they are still in the honeymoon phase. At home, she is much more "assertive", especially when it comes to brushing her teeth or when she is unable to achieve something she is trying to do, like to open a can - then watch the sparks fly!

I must admit though, she has always been very sociable. After she was six months old, I regularly left her with her tata yéyé (my sis-in-law), her Gogo (my mum), her baba Aka (her adopted gran) and Bruno (adopted granpa), for whole afternoons at a time. She also actively participated in lunches with my girlfriends in Geneva (Sev, Nicole, Tania, Léo, Nora...) and weekly ice-creams with Baccarha. She came to the hairdressers with me, was breastfed at the dentists while (yes, while) the hygienist was cleaning my teeth (a first for the hygienist she told me afterwards) and was regularly involved in any other social activity I participated in before her bedtime. (Another benefit of not having been in Vienna this whole time - who knows? she might have become a hermit like me!)
At school, for now, she only goes so far as showing staunch determination when retrieving her dummy, water bottle or a toy from another little one's paws.

Emma is also the only one in the sunshine group who does not yet know how to walk. So she crawls enthusiastically from "corner" to "corner" (the tree corner, where they read stories, the play corner, the meal corner, the nap corner, the cooking corner...) often pausing to extend a new-found toy to the teacher or to a "colleague" as we have come to call them.

Apparently, Emma's new non-spill water bottle (with built in straw so you don't need to tip it) is a hit among her class mates! (thanks for the reco' Lind.)
Steph and I also went to our first Elternabend** (parent-teacher meeting all in German!) on Wednesday. It made me feel so grown-up!

We learned that the three pillars of her "school", as we call it, are hygiene, routine and independence.
Kids are taught to wash their hands when coming in and before meals which always take place sitting down at the table be it for a snack or lunch.
Naps are preceded by relaxing music and play is adapted to children's biorhythms and is gradually calmer as lunch time then nap time approach.
We were told about the leiterin's wish to put a stronger emphasis on musical activities and the calendar system for each group, where we can find out about planned events (excursions and outings mainly for the over 3 year-olds) and unplanned ones like a bout of Kopfläuse (lice) for example.
We also learned that Emma is good at putting things in boxes but did not wish to participate in the baking of cookies and that she responded to "Viens!" following many unsuccessful "Komm!".

Oh-oh, I am definitely going to have to learn German.

Anyhow, Steph and I are very happy about how things are going. Emma seems to agree. Let's hope it continues this way so we can both (Emma and I) grow independently and I can have something more interesting to tell Steph when he gets back from work than what I read on the Internet or what novelty Emma came up with (not that she's not interesting, but you know what I mean).

I read a quote from a Harvard University psychology professor Daniel Gilbert on another Expat mum's blog (Did I Sign Up For This? An Expat Mom's Life). It really echoed in me:

"Parents tell me all the time that: 'My child is my greatest source of joy'," he said.
"My reply is that: 'Yes, when you have one source of joy, it's bound to be your greatest'.

So here's to finding other sources of joy.


**A parte on the parent-teacher meeting dress code: Contrarily to Singapore, there were no Gucci handbags, Todds shoes or Dior sunglasses to be seen. This was more like big woolly sweaters, casual shoes and jeans. Steph was among the most formal having come straight from the office. Phew! what a relief! Honestly, how can you manage the In Style look with a toddler?)

Emma's first ever drawing. Looks like Arabic to me, no?

First day, new job

Dear friends and family,
When you next call, should you hear a strange muffle, shuffle and crackle, or even a dead line, consider not hanging up straight away or calling us back. It might be our new, self-appointed secretary.

Indulge her will you? She is a little gruff but she is new to the profession and so will sometimes make you wait (and me work!) before you get either Steph or me on the phone.

Rest assured, she is currently undergoing training and shows great promise. She demonstrates intelligence and determination. Admittedly, her patience rivals that of Deda and needs to be worked on. She is often adamant that she knows best and is sometimes a little resistant to our suggestions. Nevertheless, she is already a valued member of our team family and we are confident that, in time, she will prove to be a great talent and successfully overcome new challenges.

In the meantime, dear friends and family, we appeal to your sense of ahem, perseverance, and ask you to persist in trying to reach us... we don't yet have any friends in Vienna and appreciate the interaction.

Happy Mummy

It's not quite as much an event as when my books cleared customs in Turkey, but it's always good to receive an order of books in English - especially before we leave on holiday! Happy, lucky me!
I'll let you know what I think of the toddler books as soon as I've gotten my teeth into them.

For books to read when pregnant (or if you have a pre-toddler baby) see this post. Over a year down the line, I definitely recommend Tracy Hogg's Baby Whisperer solves all your problems. Her E.A.S.Y (Eat, Activity, Sleep, You) routine and general good sense really helped us with Emma!

12 month check-up

On Monday 28th we went for Emma's one year check up:

10,750 kg (feels like a lot more to me!) 75cm (that's 25cm since birth!)
and she had 2 vaccinations which are giving her a bit of a fever...

Although I don't really want to start fitting Emma into a box, it is kind of reassuring for a first time parent to read up on development milestones so that you know what to expect and have an idea of what your kid should be up to when.

(Above: waiting for the doctor with Annabel also known as "tata yéyé")

According to the development milestones listed by baby weekly (which I have really enjoyed receiving and am sad is ending at week 52 since Emma's birth!) Emma is "ahead" in using her hands (has been removing socks for ages, lifts heavy objects, puts things in baskets, pulls them out, claps...) and can recognize gestures by words (clap, tap, "dodo"), she will point to things she wants instead of crying (although she cries when you remove something she wants). However, she seems to be "lagging behind" in anything that has to to with actually getting on to her two feet; no standing, walking nor even proper crawling so far!

The pediatrician said she is pretty heavy which makes it more difficult for her to walk but that the key thing is she is moving around, the "how" isn't so important. I think they only start worrying if your babe isn't walking at 18 months.

In the waiting room at the Pediatrician's with Annabel (aka "tata yéyé")

Some more great news is that now she's allowed to eat practically everything. So tonight I made her some of my favorite meatballs in the world - Baba's recipe! - but a mini version for her lunch tomorrow and hopefully the day after. Hope she likes them.

my first year with Emma

On Monday 28th we went for Emma's one year check up:

• 10,750 kg (feels like a lot more to me!)
• 75cm (that's 25cm since birth!)
• and best of all she's now allowed to eat practically everything!

Although I don't really want to start fitting Emma in to a box of development criteria it is kind of reassuring for a first time parent to read up on development milestones so that you know what to expect and have an idea of what your kid should be up to.

According to the development milestones listed by baby weekly (which I have really enjoyed receiving and am sad is ending at week 52 since Emma's birth!) Emma is "ahead" in using her hands (has been removing socks for ages, lifts heavy objects, puts things in baskets, pulls them out, claps...) and can recognize gestures by words (clap, tap, dodo) she will point to things she wants instead of crying (although she cries when you remove something she wants). However, she seems to be "lagging behind" in anything that has to to with actually getting on to her two feet; no standing, walking nor even proper crawling so far! The pediatrician said she is pretty heavy so it makes it more difficult for her to walk but that the key thing is she is moving around.

In terms of stranger anxiety, she doesn't seem to be experiencing too much of that and is generally quite curious when seeing a new face, hearing a new voice etc.

Today, on her birthday we went back to the clinic where she was born to sort of reminisce and say hi to the midwives and nurses who made it a wonderful time for me a year ago. ONE WHOLE YEAR AGO!!!!!

"In raising my children, I have lost my mind but found my soul." - Lisa T. Shepherd

Emma update

Mobility
Today for the first time, at 11 months, 1 week and 2 days, Emma tried pulling herself up with the bars of her play pen. Her bum got nicely off the ground, hung in the air a few moments while her face sprouted a determined expression and her hands gripped the wooden bars, then she plunked back on to the multi-colored sponge lettered carpeting of her play pen.
In truth, she has actually been lifting her bum off the ground by grabbing on to me or legs of chairs, but this is the first time I've seen her use the wooden bars and keep so upright.

She is still mostly bum shuffling to get around, albeit much more efficiently now, and is grabbing, opening, shaking and strumming anything she can get her hands on. She can now swiftly get from her back on to her tummy and from her back into a sitting position - although she tries the latter more eagerly on our bed than on the floor where the landing surface is much softer should she not make it the first time around. When I put her on the floor, she moves with one leg under her bum and pushes with the other. I'm not quite sure how this works but she definitely get from one corner of the room to the door in no time at all.

Favorite activities
While I am under the shower she loves opening the bathroom cupboard under the sink and pulling out our stock of toothpaste, soap, and my Veet wax strips. She systematically tries shaking, knocking, banging each object individually or against the floor, cupboard or anything else she can reach.

She also loves: removing her hat as soon as you've put it on her; handing you objects and then reaching out for you to return them; tearing up Mummy's magazines; eating bread (and especially anything she can eat on her own); looking down at where she was sitting/lying before you picked her up; playing peek-a-boo; throwing things on the ground then looking down to see where they are (yes, I pick them up dozens of times); trying to sit up while I'm changing her nappy (not so great); most of all, her pink star-fish.

Another favorite is bath-time with her duckies, hippo and the dolphin and recently discovered that clapping her hand against the water makes a great sound ans splashes Mummy! Yesterday she took to tapping her hand against her wet tummy and really enjoyed the musical effect.

Right from the start, Emma has been very sensitive to rhythm and music. Be it Church bells, drumming sounds, the electrical sounding music produced by one of her toys, me singing or clicking my tongue even Amy Winehouse gets her bobbing up and down and puts a smile on her little face. Too cute, even if I am her mother.

Sleeping is still fine
At night she goes to bed at 7pm and gets up at 7am. This has meant that since April when we managed to get rid of the "dream feed" by moving it gradually from 11pm to 9pm while decreasing its quantity and simultaneously increasing the quantity of milk at 7pm dinner time, I have had my evenings "off". Yay!!!! She still wakes when she looses her dummy especially now that she is so mobile in bed and end up sleeping across and at the bottom of her cot. Grobags are a must as she loses the covers in no time at all.

During the day she still has two naps. In fact, at the moment they are very regular and the patters is the same on most days. Mornings: 9h30-11h; afternoons: 2h30pm-3h15pm. This is a bit tricky as it means I really need to work my day around naps, lunch and tea-time but gradually and when she is ready, we'll decrease the morning nap and try to increase the afternoon one so that we end up with one big nap.

Looking forward:
I'm hoping to have switched naps before Emma starts going to the day-care centre in Vienna mid-September so that there are not too many changes at once. But in between the move, holidays and starting day-care as well as trying to respect her need for two naps it's going to be a bit of a challenge.

Well, I guess there's the update on Emma. Hopefully I'll manage to do this a bit more regularly in the coming months, especially as I am sure there will be lots to tell!

home (made) improvements

I'm pretty proud of my homemaker efforts.
Emma's room (in our Pad in France, the "Poirier") needed curtains. However, finding something suitable proved harder than I'd imagined since our new windows meant no drilling holes...

Anyhow, in the end I found plain white linen ones:

Sewed on some colored curly-whirly polka dots to cheer them up, like so:

It's hard to tell with the lighting but these are mighty fine curtains straight from the heart! (Who knew I could find it in me to actually sew!!)

And our little Leo has her own jungle opposite her cot:

This little pad of ours is getting better and better... Now all I have to do is paint a picture or two to decorate our living room...

tips on brushing a baby's teeth please

Anyone have tips on brushing a baby's teeth?

Emma already has 8 teeth and our pediatrician said it might be a good idea to start "brushing" after meals.
But how do you manage that with a 9 and 1/2 month not-yet-toddler?

Emma, who sticks absolutely everything into her mouth without being asked, just thrusts her tongue stubbornly in between her lips blocking any access to her teeth.

And when I just handed her the toothbrush in the hope she would get used to it, she stuck the wrong end in her mouth!

Milk bar closing

It's been magical and slightly painful (at the very beginning), practical (whenever, wherever), amazing, touching, affectionate, exclusive, healing, tiring and dehydrating, dangerous (ouch!)... It's been 7 months and 4 days and the milk bar is now closing. I guess it's the end of another chapter. Time to share feeds, go back to more aesthetic bras, to have a drink and pop a pill when I have a headache or a cold.

Every minute was worth it and I think I might even miss it (occasionally).

So what is Emma up to?

the nappy law

Every time I change Emma into a clean and fresh nappy, she poops.
Preferably while sitting on my knee.

Every morning, after naps and nappy changes I open the window to air out Emma's room. Wouldn't you know it?
Invariably, within 10 minutes of me closing the window she'll need changing again.

The morning moves on and soon we are all dressed and ready to face the Wiener Winter;
Emma has her purple jacket and pink hat on, I've pulled on my boots and coat and I'm about to slide her into her pram before she gets too hot and fussy (although I'm already melting in my gear). And then?
You've guessed it; as I lift her into the air I get a whiff of her bum and it's the nappy law all over again.

Back to her now sweet smelling aired out bedroom to the changing station...

Teething Emma

Emma is still teething like mad -we seem to be in the midst of a three day peak- which means she is moody, grouchy, whiny and not sleeping nor eating in her usual fashion. The pain means she will try to bite and chew anything from the table part of her high-chair to my shoulder or nipple. Poor Mom Emma.

Ouch!

Breastfeeding a babe with a tooth can be dangerous!



Hopefully we'll be gradually cutting out breast feeds in favor of more solids. So far potatoes and zucchini are favorite veggie purees and pears are by far Emma's favorite fruit.

through and through

It's been a tough couple of weeks with Emma suddenly waking at night again, wanting to eat at all hours and me trying to cope with some emotional stress (just a little more!) that seemed to be affecting my milk supply....

Thanks to a very helpful friend (a Mom of course!) and the (slightly) less helpful pediatrician, who pointed out that at nearly 6 months Emma perhaps needed something a little more filling and slightly more solid than breast milk, Emma tasted powdered milk from a bottle a week ago.

Thankfully, it went pretty well and the fact that she also happily tasted some home pureed organic carrots lead me to believe she was really famished! (Not that she looks anything like hungry!)
The next day we also introduced cereals in the evening (dinner) bottle of milk and she downed what seemed to be quite an impressive quantity of that too.

Despite this intensive feeding of solids- as well as breast milk at every meal (currently 7am, 11am, 3pm, 7pm and 11pm) she still woke me at nearly 2am, 3am, 4am... crying for food ("Ne! Ne!") and the pacifier just didn't cut it. I was desperate at the thought that we were going back to feeding her at night!
Note: much harder being repeatedly woken up again once you've started sleeping through the night again.

Anyway, yesterday we tried potatoes instead of carrots at lunch hoping that the extra calories would help her sleep through the night. No cigar. Better, but still not right.
She woke me at 4am, then at 5am, and I finally gave up at 6am. Still, this time I managed to avoid feeding her during the night, so I figured we were at least moving in the right direction.

But now I've really got my hopes up.
Hurray! Yipee! Today Emma's first tooth came through! You can not only feel it but also see a little white sliver in the middle of her lower gum! That explains it surely? Here's looking to a good night's sleep!