To swim or not to swim and managing expectations

Yesterday was Emma's first swimming lesson (of 10 as the course takes place every week-day over 2 weeks). Parents are not allowed to stay so that the teacher is the sole authority & the kids concentrate on the task at hand.

For the first two lessons they ask you to stay in (or near) the building so that you can take your kid home or intervene should things go totally south.

No call while Will and I walked around the neighborhood; 10, then 15, 20 and 30 minutes went by. I began to feel confident that Emma was doing fine despite the fact that on Saturday she had refused to swim when we went to the nearest public pool with a friend of hers.

10 minutes before the end of the lesson I went up to the waiting room and then to the changing room with the other parents. Emma was not long.

She came through the door and told me she had not swum. The swimming teacher confirmed that she had spent the hour sitting on the edge of the pool, watching, despite repeated invitations to join the others in the water. "Keine Chance" were his exact words.
Plonk. (the sound of my heart sinking)

I was really sad that she had not enjoyed herself and participated. Then as I drove home and rushed to make dinner quickly so that we would still make Will's bed-time I began to feel extremely annoyed at Emma. Tout ça pour ça (all that for nothing as they say in French).

I know this is me being impatient and frustrated and not her fault. My expectations, my hopes. She was fine. She even told her Dad that she had been swimming. I told her it was ok and that we would give it another go. She could not care less. She just wanted dinner to be served and to play with her dolls.

I realize it's not going to help if I push her. But in all honesty I was angry that she had not even given it a go.

This is a recurring thing; both Steph and I are impatient and quick. We tend to want to move on with things. And because Emma is such a big girl in many aspects as well as enthusiastic and bright we do expect a lot of her. Also, especially initially, she seemed even more mature in comparison to William. But Emma likes to take her time, gaze into space, walk slowly. Stall. Make excuses. Ask us to wait. Tell us she "just has to feed (my) baby".

Emma needs to take her time. She walked at 18 months. It took her ages to poo in the toilet and not her nappy. Honestly, I was despairing. At gym class (Turnen) it had been the same. She had spent lots of time watching kids first and only then did she timidly try herself. Often screaming for help in the middle or saying she could not do it. Only encouragement, loads of praise and patience helped. And the fact that she was doing the class with friends meant she truly enjoyed her gym classes. Unfortunately, no children of her kindergarden are doing the swimming course at the same time as her.
Recently she went to the forest on a school trip and screamed when she realized the ground under her feet was soft. She asked to be carried. Eventually her kindergarden teacher calmed her down and convinced her she could not be carried. But she did tell me that Emma had seemed panicked. She totally dislikes leaving her comfort zone.
I have to learn to deal with my disappointment and not make her bear it. She has her own timing - however annoying it may be to me, I have to respect it and let her learn at her pace. Somehow I have to keep in mind that she is a little girl and that she wants to stay little - which is ok - for some things, a little longer than I would like. I have to respect that.

I must say though, especially in the light of this last episode, that I am really apprehending the move and the changes it will bring and that I will have to somehow manage.

As for the swimming, I think we will try again tomorrow and hopefully she will feel more confident. If not, to hell with it, we have other things to do and enjoy in Vienna before we leave in a month.

Fun at the park

Emma

Emma art

Last Spring Emma drew some faces. I thought they were brilliant so I framed and hung them on the wall. (Click on the pic to enlarge and get a better look)

Don't they look terrific?!

Emma's fourth birthday

Emma has celebrated her birthday 3 times this week; once in kindergarden with her friends and teachers on Wednesday (strawberry cake), once with Will, Steph and I yesterday at home with a home-made chocolate cake and again today at the Family Fun park with friends and their parents with a strawberry cake, a mountain of nuggets and fries and lots of fun!
She is very happy about this and I am really glad we stayed in Vienna for her birthday this year so she could celebrate it with her friends. I think we managed to make it all about her this year and I think that's exactly as it should be. ;-)

Tomorrow morning really early we head off to Geneva!

Here are some pics of Emma's birthday celebrations:

Chocolate cake for breakfast! Yeah!

Discovering her new IKEA kitchen

and her pram, nearly as big as Mummy's

here she is wowing at her impressive candle

William enjoys the balls at the family fun park


after the cake, chicken nuggets and fries and a huge bowl of ketchup!
Emma and friends eating

That little boy in the blue t-shirt is Will enjoying the fries ;-)

Emma's last day as a 3 year old

Back from Greece; the good, the bad and the ugly

We are back from Greece and in Vienna it's pouring and windy and a mere 15°C. Quite a shock after the near 40° we experienced in Athens for 5 days. But -although it complicates things with the kids- the weather is quite in sync with my mood and the a/w clothing catalogs that are already landing in my mailbox.

I 'm in the mood for autumn. I am liking being inside while the rain drizzles down the water pipe and tap taps on our outdoor table. I am liking wearing my thin cotton scarf and feeling my feet are safe and dry in my big bright rain boots. Right now, I don't want to live in a permanently hot & sunny climate. (Is it rejection time already? )

I think a lot of this is a back-lash-mood-reaction to our visit to Athens. Here it is in a nutshell.

The good:

• the house will be done in time for us to move into and will be a nice place I think
• The neighborhood is green, friendly and there are lots of children
• Our neighbors are very helpful, hospitable and open-hearted
• We have our own little swimming pool which will literally save us from drying out on summer afternoons
• People love children
• The food is yummy
• I probably won't be needing to go into town very often and can manage on the neighborhood shops (still driving distance though)
• We already have a Greek pediatrician who speaks English and does house calls (see "the ugly" below)

The bad:

• kids rule! To the point of being utterly spoiled. Regular bed-times (or anything regular and routine-like for that matter) are not done. Ugh.*
• Emma and William will not be attending the same kindergarden and then when Will could move to Emma's, Emma will be moving on to another building, possibly another school. This means two school runs (and/or two buses)
• Mummies provide lunch for everybody (even hubby) in lunch-boxes!
• I can say good-bye to nice little shops/boutiques of the 18th bezirk and hello to air-conditioned, huge Malls

The ugly:

• I was totally sick to my stomach during the first 24hours of my trip
• then Steph was ill
• then William got sick and had 39° fever until yesterday
• we passed the virus on to the kids of the family we were staying with
• Emma learned to eat cookies for lunch and honey sandwich for dinner walking around or sprawled in front of the TV which was blasting cartoons as of 7am for her and our hosts' kids
• Emma loved this new modus vivendi

* perhaps I should put this one in the ugly. No routine is horrible as far as I am concerned. My kids absolutely thrive on routine and I love knowing the time of lights out is the same every night and that after that I (we) have my (our) evening time off...


Here are some pics taken by our host during our stay.

















As you can see, we don't look unhappy. I hope that my current lack of enthusiasm is at least in part due to having experienced all this while ill, away from home at nearly 40° C. ...

Wishcasting Wednesday: what I ask for

Today I discovered Soul Biographies and in particular watched this beautiful film. An inspiring woman. Truly. Not the fake "ah, life is GREAAAT!" Truly seemed so happy and at ease. Light as a feather in herself.

On this blog, today is Wishcasting Wednesday. And today's prompt is "What do you wish to ask for?"

Well... I wish to ask to know what my deep desires are. How am I going to make them come true if I don't know what they are?

We are moving to Greece in a couple of months - in fact we are heading down there on Friday to visit kindergarden's and the "home to be" - and our kids will soon be wrapped up in a new language, making new friends and we will all be learning about living in Athens.

So a thought comes to mind. With the moving comes a chance to take classes. Language classes yes, but also something that might open other possibilities. Fact is though, I have no idea what area to explore. I so want to know what my passion is, or my "thing" is, or what I am truly good at... but in all honesty, right now, I have no idea. It's just all so scattered.

The trouble with moving around so much, for me, is that a lot of time and energy is spent on getting used to /getting around / meeting new people / finding the new dentist/ pediatrician / hair dresser that will not put me through misery. And then, usually, just as I start to feel that I am now comfortable enough in a city to explore me, well, it's time to move. I am hoping this time, the settling in phase will take less time and that I will be able to find what I really want to do with my life. What do I wish to do with me?
So that's my wish today; I wish to ask to know my purpose in this life.

My sweet funny faced boy

This week's moments of joy

Joy pockets of the week - "No matter what is going on in our lives finding the little moments that bring us some joy reminds us what we are here for...to love life" .

Inspired by Monica

This weeks Joy Pockets

• trying out a new desert recipe (poached rhubarb) and finding it delicious
  
• our new painting was delivered and we love it! It is so happy!
• long morning hugs with Emma
• a chatty lunch on a terrace with a friend while it was pouring with rain
• ice cold ice-tea in the searing heat
• dancing with my kids in the morning
• warm shower to wake me up in the morning
• a "gentle" sleep-in (to 7am!)
• enjoying feeling at home in Vienna

Emma quotes

It's early morning, Emma has plodded down the corridor from her room onto my lap for her morning hug. We just stay for a few minutes and hug, then I ask her if she slept well, tell her it's Friday, what our plan for day is etc.

After a little conversation I tell her we should go choose her clothes for the day and I should go shower.
Emma: "but I don't want to make a hug by myself"

****

In the car, we are driving back from the airport, just back from 7 days in Croatia and 3 in Geneva. Emma asks if Tata yéyé will be there. We explain that Tata yéyé, Grand-papa François, Pata and Gogo live in Geneva and that we will visit them again soon. Emma says something about them not being in our home so we ask her where her home is.
Emma: "where my other shoes are"

Emma is turning 4 on July 30th.

Friday morning

Will helping to prepare breakfast

Get closer - What a difference a hug makes

Love this video

Studious looking Emma

Here she is drawing in a friendship book of a kindergarten friend.
Such a big girl in so many ways already and yet she is still only three... Sometimes I forget.

I love living in Vienna

I don't think I have ever written about it on this blog, but I do. I love living in Vienna.
Since we are 'soon' to leave, I am going to try to share more if what I love about living here as it comes to me.

Here is installment 1:
I love, for instance, the way coffee is served on silver trays and with water nearly everywhere you go.
And of course that it's really good coffee!

Walking William

William started walking on June 1st. He still prefers walking with the help of one hand or wall or chair but when he falls down he gets right up again and tries again. What's more, he seems to enjoy doing it!



Soon he'll be running away from Emma in the garden...

Federer or Djokovic?

After all he is of both Swiss and Serbian descent (among others)...

He just LOVES these rackets!!!

I just love this pic

William sharing his biscuit with Daddy

Smiling heart and children's laughter in a village

Yesterday morning I finally went to pick up a cake plate that I had left at an acquaintances' house 2 year's ago after an Easter tea party and egg hunt for the kids. (2 years!!! It's great to have the time to do these non-priority things again).

She has also had a second child (4 months old) and is feeling rather frazzled although her second is a calmer one than her first. Anyway, this lady is going back to her full time job next week and will be traveling and has brought-in live-in help from her home town. She told me that she finds it crazy that in Europe us mothers spend so much time alone with our children; caring for them, entertaining them, cooking and preparing, transporting... Leaving us exhausted and drained with little energy to see friends or do things for ourselves - which is in fact exactly what we need to do so badly in such times might I add!
She went on to say that this is why we feel burdened by them and that we would love our children better and more if we were not so alone in caring for them. Indeed, in French we say that you need a village to bring up a child. And in the olden days. when families lived in the villages or cities - sometimes in the same house - everybody would pitch in and care for the little ones who benefited from all this various interaction.

(I definitely know that I am a more fun and relaxed Mum when I have had time for myself for Pilates or coffee with a friend or had enough time and energy to be creative. Not just squeezing stuff in but real time to do more that what just absolutely needs to be done).

For us expats with grand-parents, aunts and uncles seeing kids once or twice a year, there is no village at an arms reach and that can be really hard.
But sometimes you are lucky enough to create a little village - if you stay in one place long enough and find the right people and have the right attitude and energy...- of friends and their family who can help with the kids.

Just the other day Emma spent the afternoon with Nonna - the grandma of her very best friend- who often has her over to play with her grand-daughter. Emma knows of course this is not her own grandma, but it's so great that this woman's heart was big enough to include Emma in it and that Emma found her way in.

Yesterday there was a Genusspfad down at our local market. A kind of food fair where all the shop owners got their tables and chairs out and offered special tasting menu for 1.- 3.- or 5.- Euros. There were cheeses and breads, curries and wines, salads, gratins, various Italian antipasti, organic fruits and juices, desserts... all mouth watering, scrumptious and colourful. (I totally could kick myself for not having taken any pics!!!)

Anyway, to come back to the subject (sorry! I hope you are still with me!) when I had seen this advertized a couple of weeks back I had emailed a pic to some Mummy friends from my phone - don't you just love modern technology! - and suggested an early dinner with the kids.


So yesterday 6 of us Mummies and our kids (who all go to kindergarden together) went down to the Genusspfad and enjoyed each others' company as the kids continued to play in the little park, occasionally popping by to taste an "Erdbeer knödel" or fill up on some "semmel brot" or apple juice or show us a scratched knee. We even had a reserved table (they don't normally do reservations for these types of events) but I had mentioned we would be coming with our kids and I am a regular down there so they made an exception. It might sound silly, but I felt so happy and somehow proud to have thought of this and that it worked out so well - me the expat with all these (mainly) local Mums at a local event and a table with a "Sandra 16h00" scribbled on to bright sunny yellow paper. (Can you just imagine me smiling right noow? 'cause I am, lips, eyes and heart - a BIG smile!)

It was lovely. William was passed from lap to lap, each of us took turns running after the kids or getting the drinks or food, cutting the food for the kids etc. Each of us a Mum, each of us enjoying the banter and food and drink and company and the happy laughter of the kids in the background. The happiness of this moment is going to remain with me a long time.
It is these kind of treasures that take time when you are moving from country to country and that I miss the most when I arrive somewhere new.

Someone once told me that with each destination you get quicker at going through the initial hard stuff and moving on to the happy bits. I hope that's true.

I think William will be making his first steps solo any time now.