Oh Boy! it's a Girl! Not?

Since the moment I was noticeably pregnant, not once has someone here asked me "Are you expecting a girl?" Quite the opposite in fact, most people greeted me with "You're expecting a boy?"

Having picked up on the fact that (for most) it was clearly a desirable thing to have a boy, (and noticed that announcements of us expecting a girl were either met with apologetic mimics and shrugs as if implying "better luck next time" or reactions of surprise as if their "guessing method" could not fail them) I took these "affirmestions" (a boy right?) to be rather sexist wishful thinking.

Granted, some people "guessed" the gender of baby according to the shape of my belly (to be honest, I'm still not clear on this- what shape is supposed to indicate what?) but no matter the "method" applied, the guessing always seemed to lead people to believe we were expecting a boy.

Yes, in this country one could say that a female child is more likely to become a "cost centre" whereas a male child is more likely to earn money and contribute to the family's welfare... but I personally believe it has more to do with an inherent belief that a boy is simply better. As simple as that. Umph. I won't even dignify this with further anything.

Anyway, the other day in a shop, once again me and my belly were greeted with the smiling "it's a boy?! when is he due?" I replied my usual "hayır, Kız" (no, a girl) and was met by exclamations of surprise bordering on skepticism.

Since this time the people asking me were of female gender and old enough to have (had) children of their own, I asked what was so surprising about there being a girl in my belly. Their English being as good as my Turkish, I didn't quite get the answer... but I did catch the word for "girl" and it was was accompanied by horrible grimaces, distorted faces and hands messing up hair - not nice. Whatever....

A few days later, when asked when "he was due", I took the opportunity of an English speaking Turkish woman's presence to question her about the mystifying grimaces and assumptions I had encountered.

She laughed and said: "in Turkey people believe that a baby girl steals her mother's beauty, whereas a baby boy makes her more beautiful... so you see, it's a compliment, because you look nice."

Typical...

According to baby gender folklore and 38 fun ways to guess your baby's sex I should indeed be expecting a boy....

favorite things & bad timing

One of my favorite things now days in Turkey is the yummy fresh fruit and veg.

I loved smelling the sweet strawberries at the market as early as April - and they taste wonderful.

It's a treat having cherries, melon and watermelon in May and delicious apricots and peaches in early June. Believe me, there's nothing like juicy and sweet fruit when you're pregnant to your eyeballs!

The thing is, often we realize what we like and enjoy when faced with the opportunity or threat of having to leave them behind, give them up, change ways...

Recently it seemed more than likely that we would leave Izmir and Turkey (all the yummy things above, but also the huge house, garden for the dog, shared pool on the grounds, sunny weather and basically the fact of having been here a year which means we know a few nice people and places...) for a place I've never been to but that

• looked like this when hubs went to visit (talk about a change in climate!)
  
• is often thought of as being extremely modern and liberal and brilliant for women and mums (not your typical idea of Turkey)
  
• but that didn't really inspire me after I had read this and this (unfortunately by the same author which doesn't give much perspective... but hey reading her was really dissuasive!)

Clearly it's not all about leaving Turkey, after all we will be leaving some day, and probably sooner rather than later, but right now there's also a strong timing component.

I think it's safe to say that, no matter the destination, moving with a newborn (packing or living out of boxes, temporarily living in a furnished flat while trying to adjust to feeding at all hours and sleepless nights, knowing nothing and no-one in a new city, house-hunting...) is about the most repulsive idea I can come up with at the moment.

Moving is stressful.
Having a baby is huge.
One at a time is enough.

Timing is key. Can we at least wait until bebek is say, 4 months old?


moving Stockholm yummy fruit leaving Turkey destination unknown and bad timing

Week 32

On Saturday June 9th we had our last Turkish check-up with our local Ob-Gyn.

The latest:
weight (EFW): 2133gr (657gr in the past 3 weeks)
height: 41,32cm (= femur length of 6,22 x 6 + 4)
Estimated Delivery Date (EDD): varies depending on what you measure. Since she's slightly Large for Gestational Age (LGA) - some measurements show her to be up to 34 weeks, give or take a few days - obviously this moves the EDD up.


If only...
I'd be very happy to have her at week 37 when she's technically no longer a preemie (in Switzerland)!
Good news is, her lungs are mature so should she come early no issues there.




Other than the usual ultra-sound, we also had fetal monitoring for the first time.

This involved me lying down with straps around my belly meant to capture bebek's heart beat, a nurse ringing a bicycle bell next to my belly, and me pressing on a what looked like an ignition button every time I felt a kick. Oh, and it also measures uterine contractions should you have any.

Basically, a healthy baby should react to the bicycle bell both by movement and an increased heart rate. Very definitely bebek was responsive - I'm not sure how much she enjoyed the experience, but Doc. was reassured she was well and I got my share of kicks, waves and somersaults.

We leave for Geneva in two weeks and so unless something unpleasant happens before then, the next time we visit our Doc. here, she'll be able to see our bebek without the need of an ultra-sound...
I have to say it's kind of weird having gone through 32 weeks of appointments, ultra-sounds, blood tests, phone calls and talks with her, to suddenly say goodbye before the baby is born. Kind of sad actually...

pregnancy EDD fetal monitor week 32

32 weeks or Being pregnant is...

To celebrate the end of week 32 (is this the beginning of the 8th month then?) here are 32 things that pregnancy is (to me)....

1. knowing what it feels like to have someone have the hiccups inside you
2. sympathizing with anyone who is overweight (especially when climbing stairs, getting up from a floor mat or doing up shoe laces!)
3. thinking anyone with a beer belly should consider wearing pregnancy pants - why suffer tightness around the waste when you can have an adjustable elastic system that is no uglier than "belly over button" and a red face!
4. having incredible heartburn!
5. sharing your body - like when you want to lie on your side and the little one inside you thinks differently!
6. thinking weird thoughts like "once upon a time, every single one of us actually lived in and came screaming out of someone's uterus!"
7. being in touch with your senses and intuition like you wouldn't believe!
8. being drugged on hormones and feeling the emotion you're overwhelmed by is totally disproportional to whatever the de facto situation may be, but you can't help - kind of schizophrenic really!
9. if you're like me, then pregnancy is a blocked nose more often than not, and you'll take up snoring at Olympic levels...
10. experiencing incredibly strong feelings for someone you've never even met!
11. spending hours trying to find a name!!!
12. and more hours trying to figure out how long 40 weeks really is and when the due date will be!
13. people you don't know well or to whom you're not physically close to, suddenly feeling they are fully entitled to touch your belly
14. your "bump" becomes the centre of attention, and boy to people stare!
15. people generally avoiding doing anything potentially upsetting and "bureaucratic" processes amazingly becoming more flexible as soon as your "bump" is noticed
16. complete strangers helping you to carry your groceries, which can be nice...
17. people you hardly know offering to look through their attics and lend/give you their maternity/baby clothes
18. getting acquainted to the smelly public toilets because your bladder (and someone dancing the polka on it) leaves you no choice...
19. as the baby grows bigger, eating small meals often because your stomach has no space left
20. ditto for your lungs, so breathing becomes more like panting
21. pregnancy is also giving up trying to figure out if, bump aside, you still look like you did before the bump - pregnancy is definitely not only in your belly!
22. your legs becoming stronger
23. becoming manic of creaming yourself to avoid stretch marks and itching (if you weren't into full body moisturizing before getting pregnant...)
24. appreciating spontaneously "popping out" as you know you won't be able to do it for much longer
25. ditto for long showers or lengthy gossips over lunch with friends
26. thinking you won't, but you do eventually, actually, unbelievably, start waddling instead of walking like a "normal" person
27. sometimes feeling like there's an alien inside you, especially when your tummy starts making waves or has protruding shapes and shakes on its own
28. being unable to remember what it's like not to be pregnant
29. seeing others jump, run, or even swiftly get out of their car seems quite amazing and definitely enviable....
30. noticing (and checking out) all the buggy brands in the street and becoming acquainted with obscure terms like "onesies", "grobags", "baby grows", "muslins" and "togs"
31. thinking that your "before" clothes seem like a joke, and hoping you'll some day look at your current preggie clothes and think that it's actually funny that a Sumo could fit into them
32. pregnancy is being allowed into the mummy club - an informal club exclusive to mothers who think and act like any non-parent just doesn't get it - and I'm not saying they are wrong...

Being pregnant is...

The most expensive shoes in the world...or Don't mess with Turkish Customs

Who would have thought hey? Simple Birkenstock for my preggie feet going for 29,95 Euros on TobiasMayer.com. They would have cost me less if I had flown to Germany and brought them back to Turkey myself!

Until this incident, I had had no trouble having books from Amazon & Nespresso coffee delivered to my door here in Izmir. At most I had to pay a few Liras for postage.

I had heard stories of people who had ordered vitamins or food supplements from abroad, being asked to explain exactly what the package contained at the post office. No surprise - anything edible is always suspect.

But Birkenstocks? Really.
How are they any different from books? They are lighter & cheaper and they were ordered from Germany as opposed to the UK. And probably my mistake was to have them delivered by DHL - which was free by the way, since my order was for 5 pairs.

What happened? Well, they got stopped in Istanbul. DHL called me and told me they were at customs but that I could clear them.

-Agh, how does one clear customs?
-You must come here.
-Oh. Only I don't live in in Istanbul, but in Izmir....
-You can clear them in Izmir, do you want them sent to Izmir?
-Well, yes, my order was supposed to be delivered to me at my door in Izmir.
-We need you to pay 115ytl for the plane transfer and send us proof of payment and the transfer application form by fax.
-Huh?!?

Anyway, after being assured that all I needed to do was transfer the dosh and send back their application form for the shoes to arrive the next day, I figured that: a) sending them back to Germany was going to cost me at least as much and b) get them to me much later (especially if I had to have them re-sent to Geneva).

I'll spare you the details of:
-10 phone calls to customer services referring me to 5 different phone numbers of which only the last one worked
-as many emails
-no information as to which of the 3 airport terminals I was supposed to go to to claim my stuff
-a mountain of paperwork & "to and fros" from the customs office, the cargo office, the Turkish Airlines office...
-paying more dosh to cover handling fees, tax and photocopies of my passport and resident permit
-being insulted, hung up on and scolded by customs officials ("don't debate with me!") for asking why I had to pay out more money when I had already paid X amount and had been told that was all
-and finally being saved by bureaucratic overdose by a broker who was no doubt afraid I was going to go into labor right there in the customs office if I didn't calm down...

A bloody nightmare.
I can assure you, if ever you are told that your goods have been stopped by Turkish Customs, (which basically seems to have a lot to do with luck, not with the declared value or weight of your parcel) don't hesitate for a second- send them back! Whatever your goods, they are not worth the time, energy, money you will need to recover them.

Better book yourself a plane ticket to go and pick them up yourself and enjoy a weekend trip to somewhere nice as well!

La di doo di doo dah...

Yay!
Thanks honey... last one with "just the two of us"
Next year we'll have help blowing out the candles....and maybe even cake in our hair which will be a new experience.... ;-)

Fair is fair - Four Reasons Hotel in Bodrum: Review update

About a month ago, we spent a weekend at the Four Reasons Hotel in Bodrum. No doubt one of our last escapades as a twosome not taking a break from parenting. ;-)

When choosing a hotel we don't know, we often read travellers' reviews... and logically, we also write them.

So shortly after our return, I wrote a post on this blog reviewing the 4Reasons (or the fact that 2 were missing in my opinion) outlining the inconvenience we had experienced.

We also sent in our feedback ("Great! but wait for 2008!") to tripadvisor.
Our review was posted on May 17th and is currently the first one you see of the 8 available reviews. It's also the most recent.

So now that you have the background, here's the update:

On May 28th, we received an email from one of the owner's of the 4Reasons Hotel offering apologies and two days of free accommodation at their hotel.

Better late than never. Although I doubt we'll make it back there with all that's going on, I just wanted to say that we appreciate it and also that giving your feedback makes a difference, both to the customer and the business.

So next time you feel you've overpaid, been ripped off, or badly serviced, let it be known!

Click on the letter to enlarge

Cool stuff

I love Google-ing. Actually I love Google - just the name is pretty delicious. I still remember the first time I heard it.

I love Google nearly as much as I love (my) Mac. Yummy.

In both cases, I am far from being aware of all the possibilities they offer. I mean, I use what I need and when I need more I learn. Or sometimes I accidentally find out some new trick.

Anyway, Google, my Mac and the web have helped me survive (litterally) the past year... (yes! almost a year that we've been here!)

So I just wanted to share a few simple things I thought were useful but I'm pretty sure not widely known (as most genius things!)

For example, did you know that on you can:

Type in a calculation in the search box, press Enter (or click on Search) and PRESTO! there's your result!


Just as easily, you can look up the polpulation of a country, the whereabouts of your kindergarden teacher (if you remember her name) or trace your DHL package



You can also enter the stock symbol in your search box to look up stocks...



For a full list of what you can do with Google....

Cool stuff, eh?

no-name Mademoiselle

To date, we have been totally useless at finding a name for our little Mademoiselle-on-the-way.

In the beginning, we didn't know if we were expecting a girl or a boy and so we had a mixed-gender list of names pinned to a kitchen shelf.

We totally thought this was not going to be difficult.

After a while, we had to come to terms with the fact that we weren't really making progress so we thought finding out the baby's gender might help (ok, so we just wanted to know - it's hard to refuse today's technology! - and I wanted to know if I was into pink for a good reason).

Anyway, the list is still there only the "girl" column is now longer. We both add a name to it when we come across one we like. We also regularly cross names off ("What was I thinking?!")

We have consulted books, websites and dictionaries, received newsletters and emails, suggestions from family members...

Nada, nil, squat. No winner on our list it seems. We are at a loss. Mademoiselle is still "bebek" most of the time. Or Mademoiselle B.

We have kept the (now dowdy looking) list and might short-list some names in the unlikely event that bebek will look like a definite Lea, Milla, Emma, Zoya, Chloe, Emily, Zoe etc. the moment we set eyes on her.

It's not only that we can't agree on a name - it's that neither of us has found the name, the one you are so 100% convinced about that you could convince your other half, the one you really love.


I can't believe how hard we are finding this!

Our criteria for the name:

• does not mean, sound like or rhyme with anything nasty in same or other language (e.g. Recently heard of "Anemique" = lack of iron in French, "Dana" which means beef in Turkish, or names beginning with "mal" (bad/wrong) like "Malena")
• is melodious yet simple
• can be easily pronounced and spelled in many languages (mainly all the ones spoken by our globally-sprawled out families)
• is suitable in "our languages" - some names are very cute in English but a disaster in French or vice versa
  
• is original yet not outrageous nor difficult to "wear"
• is suitable for a toddler, a young girl a woman and a granny (some names just aren't!)
• fits baby's surname (& so does not start with the letter B so as not to be BB)
• does not begin with S (our initials)
• if possible, it means something to us (has some kind of connection to our history)
  
• most of all: we both like it!

HELP!

30 weeks

3D images... they're practically photos!
It's a bit weird seeing these - hubs prefers the classical 2D and I can see why...

Anyway, all is well and here's the latest:

• weight: 1476 gr
• height: 37 cm *
  
• guesstimate weight & height at term (40 weeks & according to gynae): 3,7 or 3,8 kg (OMG!!!) and 52 cm
  
• dr.'s comments: "she is slightly bigger than average at 30 weeks" & "she'll be tall according to measures of femur bone"; "she doesn't have your nose, hers is more round"; & "everything is fine, call me if need be at any time".
• latest EDD: 27th July 2007 (this is the same as the very first date we were given)
• dr. is very happy with my stabilized weight gain. Basically I put on 200gr since the April check-up, the rest is all baby's!
• my blood pressure is always the good old 110/70
• next appointment: June 9th for baby monitoring (ultra-sound & heart beat monitoring to see if she is reactive to sound, movement etc.)

Time is really flying now! I can hardly believe I'll be in Geneva in 5 weeks and shortly afterwards we'll be a family of three.

* you can calculate this: Femur Length x 6 + 4 = total height (or is that length?)

Preggie books

Being pregnant in a foreign country means you don't have your usual family & friends' advice on hand and your usual reference points.
Luckily in my case, there are a couple of newfound friends who are also pregnant with whom to exchange experiences of various body changes and kicking baby stories. Hurray!

There are times though, however fun the chat (or the web-surf), nothing beats a good book!

<-- These have been my companions on this 30-week journey (so far - Hurray! Hurray!) ranging from the serious to light-hearted if totally honest & friendly.

Most fun and good bedside reads: "minus nine to one" by Jools Oliver & "Shopaholic & Baby" by Sophie Kinsella.

Liz Fraser's "The Yummy Mummy's Survival Guide" and "The Best Friends' Guide to Pregnancy" by Vicki Iovine are both a good mix of fun and practical.

Liz Fraser's book Yummy Mummy's Survival Guide is very much in there with advice on pampering yourself as much as you possibly can, while you can, explains what happens to your relationship with friends, your body image and partners, and shares tips on baby showers, what to pack for the hospital and labor.

Vicki Iovine's Best Friends' Guide to Pregnancy was funny yet brutally honest and a very easy read-in-the-order-you-like with sections ranging from Sex and Pregnancy to Looking and feeling your best or I can't eat/ breathe/ walk and I'm scared to death.

Gina Ford's "The New Contented Little Baby Book" has me a bit confused as I read it sort of at the same time as Tracy Hogg's "The Baby Whisperer Solves all you Problems" - not a good idea! Although both are very much pro-routine (as opposed to demand feeding) their timings in getting baby into a feeding/sleeping routine are not the same and you end up trying to figure out what the differences are and which would suit you best when you can't possibly know at this stage!

I found Tracy Hogg's book easier to read with her E.A.S.Y routine (Eat. Activity. Sleep. You) and her check lists to help you determine why your six-week baby or under is crying. I liked her "Common complaints-Probable causes" and her feeding/sleeping charts.

Yours truly, novice at mummyhood, found Mrs. Ford's lengthy paragraphs hard to follow : "if your baby is xxx-ing then you must be yyy-ing, which leads to zzz-ing so you might want to try xyz-ing, however without abc-ing..." AGHHHH! What was that?! Maybe at a later stage when it all becomes a bit more real. Right now I found the best part of her book was the "Common problems in the first year" section which is brief and to the point. I am sure, however her book will come in handy later on.

Finally, "Le Guide Pratique de la Femme Enceinte" takes you through the weeks & months explaining all the possible physical changes, ailments, exercises and sizes. It is an informative but not particularly fun read.

I have recently acquired "The Panic-Free Pregnancy" written by M.D. Michael S. Broder in the form of Q&As; "an Ob-Gyn (who) separates fact from fiction on food, exercise, travel, pets, coffee, medications, and other concerns you have when you're expecting". I don't exactly plan to read this through and through, rather use it as an ad hoc reference book.

That's all for now! Any other books you can recommend? 70 days left after all...

Four Reasons Hotel in Bodrum: Review

A couple of weeks ago we decided that a week-end in Bodrum might be nice before the summer crowds move in and before my preggie tummy gets so huge it becomes unbearably uncomfy to drive that far in a sitting position....

We booked a room at the Four Reasons Hotel* found on the small hotels of Turkey website **

On the positive side:

-a nice view, the pool and the rooms were just as beautiful and simply decorated as shown on the websites
-the hotel manager spoke excellent English and French (and no doubt Turkish)
-service was good, breakfast (my favorite meal in Turkey and looks like I'm not the only one!) and dinner were yummy

Less impressive:
-the directions & map from their website were absolutely useless in getting us there
-the promised wireless connection remains yet to be found
-they've lost Serenity, and they might have misplaced Attitude too....


You see the 4Reasons' name not only plays on that of the world famous hotel chain, it also hints at four pillar qualities (Serenity, Quality, Design, Attitude) the hotel promises visitors. These are very visibly stamped on the hotel wall as you arrive, as well as on the hotel website, brochure, etc.

The marketing background of the owners makes it hard to believe they promise these unwittingly. Nor is it possible they are unaware of currently and regrettably failing to keep this promise, since they were staying at the hotel at the same time we were.

What am I talking about? Well, imagine being woken by bulldozers at 7h30am on Saturday. How's that for Serenity?

After breakfast (luckily, lower down by the pool the noise was minimal) we mentioned this little inconvenience to the hotel manager who apologised and said he would have a word with the workers. He later assured us that we would be able to enjoy our grâce matinée the next day and that work would start much later on Sunday morning.

To cut to the chase, on Sunday we were woken at about 7h45am. As far as I'm concerned, 15 minutes does not count as sleeping in Thankyou very much.

We again enjoyed a lovely breakfast but were frankly disappointed.
At checkout when asked how we had enjoyed our stay, (by the manger but with the owners present) we once again commented on the noise explaining what a shame it was that although the season had begun the bulldozers were still at work (and on a week-end!).
Regrettably, no gesture whatsoever was made in terms of a discount or any kind of client compensation. There goes Attitude....

Now I don't know about you, but when I book a hotel, I read reviews. When I am treated with a pro-active-client-service-attitude that can turn an unfortunate incident into an opportunity, I will whole-heartedly recommend the venue, write a raving review, go back and take friends and family with me. In fact, I will probably remember the place more positively than had nothing remarkable happened in the first place.
A lost opportunity my friends....

It's easier to claim Serenity, Quality, Design, Attitude than it is to live by them. On the other hand, the bulldozers should be temporary, Attitude can be regained and hopefully the rest will remain the same....

* click here and here for more about the 4Reasons Hotel
** Small Hotels of Turkey also publish a book on a yearly basis called "The Little Hotel Book"

Mummy brain

I recall thinking my good friend N. had gone nutters when she turned hysterical against her mother for crossing the street, on the pedestrian crossing, with her new grand-son in his new pram, not a car in sight but while the light was red !!!!

I also remember thinking that my sister had clearly lost all sense of proportion when she stood as a barrier to the baby blender, defending her controlling position of the "on" button, while desperately trying to position her squiggling daughter on her ever-so-slim-hip, so that her husband could not make carrot purée à sa façon, nor take their daughter from her in an attempt to help her out.

By and by, I have seen reasonable, intelligent, calm women, suddenly turn into a scarier version of the Incredible Hulk when they perceived their bundle of joy to be threatened by the environment, or worse: a family member's good intentions or a friend's uninvited opinion.
It soon became apparent that offering an unsolicited opinion, helping hand or alternative way to a new mother was totally and utterly suicidal. Oh Yeah.

Since then, the above-mentioned have had more babies and have (thankfully) totally chilled. Phew!

Now I'm kind of scared about what is going to happen to my brain in a little while.
There's no point in knowing about it. Awareness is one thing, but something clearly happens - instinct? exhaustion? wanting to be the best possible mom? - that tips your scales and makes you believe you are the only one who knows how to carry, feed, bath, etc. your nappy-filling-rose-smelling-baby.
Suddenly, you're paying more attention to every little breath, mimic and sound than to the hairiness of your under-arms (ugh! that bad?!) and nobody knows better than you whenever your baby is concerned.
Luckily, it seems to be a phase.

Then there's also the fact that all you talk about is baby, poo, nappies, sleep(-lessness)... Looks like that's already started!

I used to wonder what had happened to new-Mummies brains, conversation and sense of humor... I guess in a way it's understandable - being pregnant, giving birth, taking care of a brand new human being is rather huge and overwhelming - but so boring to others!
I guess if you flip it around we could say it's being focused?

Looking forward....

Sleepless

Seriously?
Shouldn't I be stocking up on sleep right now so as be less vulnerable to the things sleepless nights do to a new Mom?

I am pretty sure that whoever said that insomnia during pregnancy is training for later is wrong. It's like dieting to prepare for famine. Seriously. Our body is smarter than that.

Umph!

How long is 40 weeks anyway?

I've never been great at Maths - but 40 weeks... um, isn't that like 10 months?
Ok, so not every month has the same amount of weeks and so if you spread it all out it somehow works out to ...? I'm confused.

Every time someone asks me how pregnant I am I am at a loss.
At 12 weeks you're finishing your first trimester right? So logically at 24 weeks, that would be 6 months? and then 12 weeks later... at week 36 - Wait! but week 36 (3 x 12) is not 40! In fact that's just about a month early.

Keeping in mind that :

• an average pregnancy lasts 40 weeks (or 38 if you discount the 2 weeks where you're not actually pregnant but have not had your period)
• the baby is due end of July (according to most of the measurements and tests)
• July is the 7th month of the year
• I became pregnant mid-november
• so that should be 7 months + 1 1/2 months = 8 1/2 right? (to which you may add the 2 weeks of amenorrhea to make 9)
  
• which would mean the actual pregnancy lasts 8 1/2 months (but that's 32 weeks + 2 = 34!)
  
• so now that it's May 2nd (week 27) and end of July is 3 months away (+12 weeks), does that mean that we're beginning the third trimester now? (=39 weeks)
  
• and by the way, if you look at the little baby ticker/calendar above, you'll see it says there are 86 days to go - ain't that another 12 weeks!? (is that 3 months? 'cause if it is we're back to my initial question!!!!!)
  

Aggghhhh!

I know that you're probably thinking "Who's counting?!" when all that matters is that things are going well - and the answer is I AM !
I need to plan so that I
a) am allowed to fly back to Geneva
b) arrive in time to have the babe there
c) can do some antenatal aquagym classes and meet my mid-wife
d) have the impression that it's not quite as long as it seems...

I realize the babe will "pop out" (ok I'm trying to be positive and play it down - I am fully aware she will not just "pop out") when she's ready, and that only about 5% of newborns actually arrive on Due Date - but...I STILL WANT TO HAVE A ROUGH IDEA OF WHEN SHE WILL ARRIVE!

Not to mention that:

• we already have a niece who was born on July 22nd 2006 and although she lives in Singapore, it would be nice to have individual birthdates
• without wanting to sound totally superficial - I would much prefer a baby Leo (like hubs and a lot of my friends) to a Crab (although that means waiting a tad longer or at least until after July 23rd!)
  

Ok, well whatever - I just am looking forward to meeting her!

pregnancy baby pregnant 40 weeks 9 months EDD

Pregnant in Turkey

One of the cool things about being pregnant in Turkey is there doesn't seem to be a limit to the number of ultra-sounds you, the patient & mom-to-be, can have.

According to the various books, articles, blogs etc. I have read (& stuff other women have told me) in most of Western Europe and the UK, the standard number of ultra-sounds is 3 (one per trimester). Further up north (in Holland & Sweden) 3 seems to be a max. In fact, after they've confirmed you are pregnant, they send you home and tell you to come back once you're ready to have the baby... if, that is, you're planning to deliver in a hospital or clinic and not at home (not my cuppa personally, but whatever).

In Turkey, -at least, in Izmir, as a foreigner with a terrific (lady) Ob-Gyn who speaks good English and specializes in IVF babies (not our case)- we get to "go to the movies" (dixit an enthusiastic hubs who otherwise is as allergic as they come to hospitals) and see our "bebek" once a month! How's that for entertainment!?

Seriously, it's pretty cool. Not that I can compare with a previous pregnancy or anything like that. Just that I kind of look forward to seeing little arms and feet waving. After our first memorable visit (12 weeks, at which point our bebek not only actually looked like a human baby for the first time, but also gave us the ultimate pleasure of jumping up and down and doing a little jig!) I was so looking forward to the second one, (16 weeks) that I felt as though I'd been stood up when the little person slept through the whole appointment. The nerve, I tell ya!

OK, so they don't have insurance companies running their health policy either. And maybe not everyone has an ultra-sound this often. But your monthly appointment doesn't just last 5 minutes flat, with 20 patients waiting outside, and that feeling that really you can read up on your pregnancy on the web or contact a mid-wife instead of bothering the doc.

Our doctor here is available and a caring human being. And, should you have the slightest complication, your Ob-Gyn calls you at home to ask how you're doing. Not just once either. And you can call her on her mobile phone when you're not sure you're OK. And she drinks coffee, sometimes answers her mobile phone in the middle of a sentence, calls her assistants "kids" and has McDonald's for lunch 'cause she's just walked out of the OR where she delivered another baby. She has bad hair days, too - but she'll notice what you're wearing and compliment you on your looking nice today. And... she still has the time to do an educational show on national television about IVF and reproductive health in general. And... she has kids of her own.

I know a few people who have become doctors and who really wish they could spend as much quality time with their patients - but they would have to bill them a bomb and would get in trouble. I know of patients who think their doctors have muted from human to something akin to a mechanic for homo sapiens.
A few people I know have benefited from "medical handling" similar to this one, (in Serbia and Russia) and can compare it to medical experience (treatment for illness or pregnancy) in Australia, Switzerland, the UK, France or Holland. Without a doubt, they all preferred the perhaps less glamorous, sometimes bare and unadorned structure with a human touch to the fancy clinics where the doctor can hardly remember your name and you are beginning to wonder whether you have been swallowed by a file/case/number.

Sure, it means that you're not always seen on time and it can take some getting used to. But hey, I was worried about having "bebek" here, and now I'm thinking that my extremely competent Swiss made Ob-Gyn is going to seem a tad like clock-work after a pregnancy the Turkish way.


A BIG thanks to Isla, who noticed I was pregnant before anyone else and who took me to Irenbe after my first experience with the "gentleman-professor-Ob-Gyn" who nearly made me wish I wasn't pregnant in Turkey.


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Week 23

Bebek* is a girl!

*No, no! "Bebek" is not a name!!! It's "baby" in Turkish!

We were hoping this would make finding a name easier - but no cigar! It's much harder than I thought...

Suggestions welcome....

baby baby scan pregnancy pregnant ultra-sound week 23

Footsies - week 19

Have not totally disappeared of the face of the earth - just really busy. All is well and growing...

Double-sided "inat"

After reading a passionately written and touching post by fellow blogger blackbird, titled Inat and a Turbulent Life, I started typing a comment in response to her post on her blog.
As some of you know –or have noticed- concision is not my forte. Realizing that my comment was soon to be as long as her post –inat is truly an inspiring subject- I decided to post my “comment on inat" here, on my own blog, and I hope blackbird won’t mind.

For those of you who are wondering what in the world inat is:

• Pronounced “eenat” it is a word used frequently in Serbian.
• My 1959 crumbling dictionary, inherited from my parents (“Stozer Srpskohrvatsko-Engleski Recnik”) defines inat as "spite", and an action “iz inata” as doing something “out of spite”.
• I'd say, inat is often used as the equivalent of “grudge” or "stubborn defiance" that will urge you to do something (or not) for reasons that in most cases will baffle the minds of those not accustomed to Serbian logic. It is a kind of defiant spirit, an "esprit de contradiction" with a touch of "mauvaise foi”.
• I believe, inat to be something perhaps not exclusively, but most definitely specifically and typically Serbian.
• In the words of Dragan Milovic (of the School of Slavonic and East European Studies, London): “an attitude of proud defiance, stubbornness and self-preservation - sometimes to the detriment of everyone else or even oneself.”
• My father, mother, sister, friends, ex-boyfriends, former colleagues and my dear husband will no doubt agree, I possess my own healthy dose of it....and it has not always served me well.
• More on Inat found on blackbird's blog and these links at the bottom of her post: "Inat: Serbia's secret Weapon" and here

Perhaps it is also worth mentioning, that in the Serbian mentality or culture as it where, inat is far from the negative, bloody-minded trait "spite" or "stubbornness" are in most other cultures. While sometimes formally frowned upon, inat can tacitly be "felt" to be a quality, the cherished trait of "sticking to one's guns" and more often akin to integrity and defiant determination than to narrow-minded stubbornness. And perhaps it is the verb "to feel" that is key here; for this has nothing to do with logic or pragmatism, indeed it is this emotional quality that perhaps makes inat endearing, if at times infuriating.

Now that I've hopefully managed to clarify the obscure meaning of inat, here's what I wanted to say about it.

Although I was not there, I'm the first to take my hat off to the inat, humor and sheer spirit displayed by Serbs in Belgrade during the bombings of '99; the postcards depicting fiery & smoke filled skies defiantly stating "Belgrade by night" or the "target" symbols sprayed on civilians' coats and bags. Inat, is certainly a force to be reckoned with and can entail immensely positive and admirable actions. It has often also made me laugh, because it is such a lofty, crazy aspect of the Serbian character.

However, in my humble opinion, besides being totally childish -if endearing- and lacking in mature judgment, inat is far from being the "well-wishing-friend" Serbs think it is.

When inat (as in Dragan Milovic’s perfect definition “doing things because someone has told you you can’t, not necessarily because you actually want to”) becomes a guiding principle, it can ultimately lead you to perpetually live your life against someone else's doings, actions, positions, thoughts.

Seriously, if you are always doing in defiance and defining yourself against someone or something, then how can you as a person, group or people ever be independent -or free for that matter? How can you stand on your own two feet and follow a path that is yours and good for you? And how vulnerable are you to manipulation because your inat makes you so predictable? (like the “Who says we cannot swim? Sink this boat!”) Your “opponents” need only to play you like a musical instrument, for you will shoot yourself in the foot “za inat”....and serve them by doing it.

Especially in emotional circumstances, inat can also lead to willful and nurtured preservation of grudges that anchor you in the past ("Da komsiji crkne krava /If only the neighbour’s cow would die”). Is it really worth your present and your future, and wasting the energy that could be devoted to making it brighter on your neighbor's stupid cow because of something that happened generations ago?

I really have a lot of affection for inat. But I truly believe, that as much as it has pulled Serbs through the toughest and potentially most humiliating moments, and spurred them on with superb dignity, humor and a kind of proud spirit, it has also been, and is to this day, their (our) Achilles heel*. Because (showing your) inat too often, becomes the objective and makes you lose sight of what really matters, what you wanted or where you were heading to begin with.

In today’s global, pragmatic, capitalistic society inat is not seen by the world as an engaging, endearing, amusing trait. Nor is it proof of integrity, strong character and determination. It is more often than not (viewed as) a stupid, proud, primitive weak spot to be manipulated and used against whoever is ready to die rather than look at the bigger picture and consider it with a little perspective.

The day perspective is valued as much as inat is in the Serbian culture -and please don't read this as selling your soul, the end justifying the means or giving in- that day, the capacity, creativity, intelligence and will of Serbia's citizens will truly take off and realize it's true potential... for -"za inat?"- it will have left the past behind.

...or perhaps it is just a question of putting the notorious "inat" to good use?

*Interestingly one's Achilles heel is often one's strongest quality, hence the glass is half full (the BBC reference to Inat: Serbia's secret weapon) or half empty...

Serbia Serbian Inat stubbornness defiance

Week 15 and magic

So we’re into our second trimester, and everything is apparently as it should be.

Funnily enough, the initial moments of “Wow” passed, as well as the occasional feeling of not owning my own body because it’s acting in weird ways it used not to, I feel like a fish in the sea & like being pregnant is the most normal thing in the world.

Which of course it is, but it’s also hugely and totally unfathomable, isn’t it? One of those things you have a hard time getting your head around. Realizing that you are growing another person inside of you and that one day, if all goes well, they will be as "big" and as "old" as you are right now. It’s like you always knew this was going to happen, but at the same time never really believed it. Like growing up when you’re little. (Well at least that’s the way I felt.) One of those things that seems totally unremarkable until you stop to think about it.

And it’s the circle thing… I’m going to be a parent, which means I am going to be what my parents are to me, to someone else. Auuehemerrr… that is weird. That’s scary. That’s well, I’m not too sure about that part.

Of course, I’m going to be my version of parent, mixed with my honey’s version, and with the inescapable twist and shake our lives and experiences will convey to our choices, actions and oversights. As my Dad has said billions of times (in a rather fatalistic, defensive and occasionally apologetic manner) we don’t make the mistakes our parents made, but we make others. I can believe that, although there’s a sometimes a boomerang effect, that brings us right back to where (what?) we were trying to get away from in the first place.

We probably all have a couple of vivid memories of things that we swore we would never do “to” our kids when we grew up and had them… (I made lists: of things to remember –or rather not to forget- of things not to do… A real Peter Pan although I desperately wanted to put childhood behind me and become an adult.) But then there’s perspective, and of course I’ve changed my mind on some of those things, but there are others… Ah well, I guess we’ll do our best. (I think it’s a bit early to go down that road right this minute.)

Anyway, it might be the hormones (I don't mean the replacement therapy ones), but being pregnant is bringing back flashes from my childhood, my teens, my whole life. I’ve always thought we carry with(in) us the 2, 7, 9, 13, 17… year olds we once were – but although these versions of me occasionally voice a point or two, now days they seem to be more vocal than ever, playing the reels of hazy long-ago snippets of my life with people who have played a role in it; Some no longer alive, whom I have not thought of in a while. Others, whose memory is much more vivid and have sometimes been embodied by living people who, it has seemed at times, were encountered and (put?) there for me as stand-ins for those who left too soon.

See? Hormones. You probably think I’m looney tunes by now.

But I do believe in a kind of magic. Maybe it’s destiny, maybe it’s God, maybe it’s the Universe, I don’t think the name matters much –I don’t think I would care if I were misnamed, as long as the concept of me …oh, oh, another one I don’t think I’m going to go down just now – sorry.

Anyway, magic… I think there is magic.
Maybe it’s in my belly, maybe it’s in the air, maybe it’s my hormone-drugged brain… But when you catch a glimpse of it, it makes you feel all warm inside and kind of happy-sad. Kind of like when you want to cry with joy or when I think of my Baba and her bordeaux shawl.

baby becoming a parent pregnant hormonal second trimester week 15