Saturday, September 22, 2007

Marriage and tomorrow's yesterdays

If you think preparing and planning your wedding together tests a marriage, just wait 'till you have a baby!

And if that isn't trying enough, try 3 months (three months today!!) of living out of a suitcase. Make that suitcases, since you're constantly changing sizes in between week 34 of pregnancy and week 40+8, not to mention the change of temperature and season -unless you live somewhere near the equator-, and then there the small matter of the clothes and gear of a fast growing baby...
Add to that, staying with your Mum and your Mum-in-law, while buying and setting up a pad in France (which is great but is also quite a bit of work), before flying out to a new city and house hunting with your lovely newborn while living in a serviced apartment (thankfully equipped with a washing machine)...

And of course, hubs is very much in demand and engrossed in his new position at work and, hey, even traveling....

In the meantime you're desperately trying to sooth yourself with positive thinking and the belief that inner stability is what counts (so what if you've called 5 different places "home" in half as many months and driven as many cars).

So what?

* I've learned to be less anxious and get less unhinged by the small stuff
* modern technology is more than helpful, it actually often saves the day; you can read the paper of your city of choice, keep in touch (and sight!) with friends and family practically instantaneously, lose yourself in music and enroll into a local yoga class that is being set up by another newcomer and discussed on a local forum
* having said that, you really can get by with a lot less stuff than you are used to living with...
* which in turn gives you the opportunity to look around you more and (re)discover that which is most important to you
* hopefully, all of this will be another bumpy corner your marriage will bounce off, and, in a few days, you’ll tease each other about your bloody mindedness and short-lived irritability
* remember to cuddle and play as often as possible - it makes you feel so much better

Mostly, all these moves and co-habitations, travels and change in plans, irritations and encounters have convinced me that you really need to live life in the present; communicate (and not only the about the bad, irritating, annoying stuff), express yourself (go yell in the park or sing in the shower), breathe and concentrate on what's going on for you now. Make it as good as you can.

Tomorrow is another day... and, take it from me, a billion things can happen before then, making tomorrow very different from what you thought it would be... You might as well be able to look back and remember the happy yesterdays that you did NOT spend worrying about tomorrow.

As hard as it may be for some of us, this is definitely one lesson worth learning.

3 comments:

Peter Chen said...

Hi Sandra,

You are in Geneva? I was there in 1999 for the Geneva International Invention Exhibition. Unfortunately I didn't have a digital camera. Have any digital photos like for example the fountain in the middle of the lake, etc. I would like to blog about Geneva and if you have any digital photos you are willing to share, I will be mighty grateful to you. I am particularly interested in Grindelwald. I visited that place in winter in the 70's but got no digital photo to put on my post about that place.

Looks like you are very mobile. I also have some travel blogs and if you have any digital photos of those places you end up in, I would be mighty grateful.

I was a student in Ghent, Belgium in 1976-1978. I travelled to France, England, Nederlands, Germany, Switzerland (both in summer as well as in winter) and Italy but got nothing to show for it. The slides I took all got mouldy.

Actually not here to tell long stories, but to let you know I have responded to your comment in my post at Make scroll box. I have the solution you asked for.

Peter (Blog*Star)
Natural Remedies

Peter Chen said...

Hi Sandra,

Thanks for your offer to share your photos. I have responded to your second comment in my post Make Scroll Box. In my response, I had requested for your flickr ID, but found it from your blog (photo of your nice baby). I also saw a photo of Stolkholm showing some cyclists on the street. I am thinking of making a post regarding transportation and the environment in my environmental blog Enviroman Says, but you have uploaded the photo under the Creative Commons copyright. I would like to ask first if I use any of your photos, how would you like me to acknowledge your contribution. Further, I have advertisements (I have to supplement my pension to help put my son (previously sons) through college) on my blogs. According to the copyright notice Sandra's Flickr Creative Commons copyright notice, commercial use is not allowed. Will you consider using that photo on a blog with advertisements be considered as commercial. I am not selling the photo.

Peter (Blog*Star)
Guide to Malaysia

Sandra said...

Hi Peter,
thanks for getting back to me on the scroll box issue.
As for the Creative Commons, I guess strictly speaking you're right, the pics shouldn't be used on a commercial site/blog by a third party, but I think in this case we can make an exception... ;-)
my creative commons attribution specifies that conditions can be waved if you get permission by the author... and you have.