Wednesday, April 02, 2008

sneaky thyroid and watching the world go by

Sitting in a Starbucks waiting for a 9h30 appointment. I wish it was for a job interview, although it’s probably better that it’s not, given the circumstances.

I love watching people getting to work, grabbing a coffee, making calls as they rush into the day. I used to love that feeling of “being on my way”, music plugged into my ears, a new day unfolding around me and having the time to observe and take in the urban buzz, the world on stage. I took the tram here, and I have to say that in that respect, public transport and walking beat driving and traffic jams any day.
It’s been ages since I’ve done it. I wonder am I nostalgic of a past no-kid-working-girl life or simply of time gone by, of a younger, braver, me.

On Monday, my 5 weeks without thyroid replacement hormone were over and I went for a blood test. Yesterday, I spoke to the endocrinologist and nearly cried with relief when he told me that it was a disaster and I needed to go back on medication right away. I’m not mad, I’m not depressed – it’s my thyroid.

No wonder I’ve been going to bed exhausted at 9pm and dragging myself around all day. No wonder my skin was dry, my eyes watery, my heartbeat erratic, my need for sleep insatiable, my general outlook black. My muscle pains and weakness, headaches, sensitivity to light, being cold all the time, blurry vision, sluggish digestion and moodiness all explained with one single hormone – or lack of it. Impressive.
I took medication again yesterday. I wonder how long before things start looking up. Another test due in 5 weeks, but I’m seeing the doctor on Tuesday to try to find a way to stop this yoyo-ing. I have Emma, a husband, some friends and family I’d like to hang on to thank-you very much! 5 weeks is a hell of a long time to feel awful. Especially added on to the fact that I've been going up and down now for some months.

This thyroid thing is really quite shocking when you think about it. It can take you from aggressive monster to lethargic depressed veggie. It’s massively debilitating and it’s insidious and sneaky.
How can you know if you're really finding people/events/things annoying/depressing/cold or if it's your thyroid? If your whole barometer is out of whack, who and what can you trust?