Emma at the Olympics swimming pool

At the end of November Emma started swimming lessons during art and crafts time at kindergarten on Thursday mornings. Today I went to watch Emma during her lesson at the Olympics swimming pool. She has had 8 lessons so far and is really enjoying her time in the water.

Here are some pics of today's lesson.

 

I wish I hadn't worked so hard

or the top five regrets of the dying

The Guardian published an article about the top five regrets of the dying recorded by a palliative nurse. Among the top ones is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'. For my Dad, his older brother's death was a wake-up call and when he firmly decided that he would not work himself into the grave but rather do everything he could to ensure more time to spend enjoying life. And I think he succeeded pretty well. I guess I was not that surprised at this being number one. Regret number 3 ("I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings") also makes a lot of sense - I can totally relate to that. It's in our culture to be polite, restrained... It takes courage to express ones' feelings and face disapproval or hurting someone's feelings or even rejection or isolation but I think bottled up/ non-digested  emotions do damage us physically in the long run.

I am sure a lot of people regret not telling close ones they love them despite all the day to day hassle. And also taking it slow, taking the time to pause and savor the moment.

But regret number 5 is what hit home the most; "I wish that I had let myself be happier" - or perhaps I wish I had made it a priority to be happy.

Anyway, what would be your regret if you were dying right now?

I especially like the fact that happiness is a choice. In my opinion, we don't stress this enough when teaching children. I think teaching them that it is important to be happy, to listen to your gut, to go after your dreams (and support them in getting there) is paramount. I think it's important to actually TELL them that true happiness is the most important thing in life.  It's important to teach them that happiness is a choice and something to go after just as much as, if not more,  good grades or a good job.

I make it a point to ask Emma what makes her happy or if she is happy and now she sometimes spontaneously just tells me she is feeling happy before saying nightie-night. Even if she tells me because she senses it is important to me, she is learning that it is important in itself.  I think that's just the bees-knees!

All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten...

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate-school mountain, but there in the sandpile at Sunday School. These are the things I learned:

Share everything. Play fair.  Don't hit people. Put things back where you found them. Clean up your own mess. Don't take things that aren't yours. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat. Flush. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. Live a balanced life- learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.  Take a nap every afternoon. When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plants goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that. Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we. And then remember the Dick-andJane books and the first word you learned- the biggest word of all- LOOK. Everything you need to know is there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living. Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or your government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm. Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankets for a nap. Or if all governments had a basic policy to put things back where they found them and to clean up after their own mess. And it is still true, no matter how old you are - when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

by Robert Fulghum

I guess our kids are on the right track...

Yummy cupcakes

Ok, fine, the only yummy thing about cupcakes is the topping and sometimes only the look of it -but the kids loved the idea of going out for cupcakes and it was freezing outside so it was a good option. The only backlash was the sugar buzz we had to work off at the park before driving back home.
Next time I have to film William's unique way of eating them - head down straight into the icing!

William's new love

William and his wheeled backpack

In high school, one of my ex-boyfriends used to help a group of us study for history exams but then consistently got the worst grade whereas we all came through with flying colours.  In French we say, le cordonnier est toujours le plus mal chaussé of which the English equivalent is apparently "It's always the baker's children who have no bread". Well in my case, it's always the cook who is not fed. 

Let me explain; Emma is going through a horribly picky phase with food. And by that I mean that she will only eat bread, some cheese, yogurt, hard boiled egg, pasta, sandwiches, salami, cucumber and sometimes yellow peppers. Oh and of course chocolate and ice-cream and any junk food served at birthday parties. 

I realize that by some standards this is not so bad and she is not too skinny, but her past appetite and willingness to eat seems to have vanished and she has been looking rather pale.  She has even gone to bed without dinner a few times in the past few weeks after refusing to eat risotto, quinoa, various soups, mashed potatoes and roast, rice, carrots and peas and much more.  Our take on it has been to not give her anything else but what is served for dinner.

We figure if she is hungry, she will (finally) eat and so she now only gets fruit (and maybe a tiny cracker) in the afternoons so as not to ruin her appetite for dinner and in the mornings oats or granola with milk or toast, jam and egg.  I place a sweetie or chocolate in her lunchbox that she can have if she finishes her lunch (these days raw veggies, egg, dark bred or soup, greek pasta salad or pasta and home made ragu). And I am going out of my way to make healthy and nutritious meals for her and us. 

Despite this, she is going to bed on an empty stomach quite regularly.

At midday, I cook for our evening meal and then often end up getting myself a sandwich for lunch as I don't want to eat what I have just cooked and plan to have for dinner. But then, at dinner, my tummy too tight with stress from Emma's whining, negotiating and moaning (and sometimes spitting, throwing up in her plate, crying...) ends up being filled up with ice-cream at 10pm in front of the telly! Not healthy at all!!

On the positive side, William and Steph are eating well!

At first we thought it might just be a phase, but now it's been going on for some time and I worry about her health.  And mine!

Most of the things I have read on the Internet about this kind of attitude in children has to do with control - they exert it where they can - and Emma definitely likes to control her environment. In fact she can be quite bossy at times or "likes sharing her strong  opinions" as they put it in her school report. 

So, I really try giving her a choice;  On more than one occasion have made her exactly the dinner she had requested only to have her refuse it. I have also tried taking her food shopping and giving her choice in many other situations such as which clothes to wear, what park to go to, what game to play or music to listen to, film to watch, book to read, parent to take her to bed etc. But there are still many occasions where we need to tell her what to do when asking isn't enough; to get into the car, to put her shoes and coat on, to put her slippers on, to stop badgering William, to empty her mouth before talking, to stop interrupting, to wait... I mean she is 4,5 years old!!!)

Also, I have tried "playing it cool" and just saying "ok" when she says "I don't want this" and asking her to just stay seated until William finishes. This I find really hard. Mainly because she is ruining every single meal these days and I really am beginning to resent it.

I also think there might be a bit of jealousy involved as William is taking up more space these days as he grows older and more independent but also makes his wishes clearer too. Emma is gradually losing all the "big sister" privileges as William is increasingly capable of doing more and more (taking the school bus with her, playing more games...). Undeniably he is also demanding more attention because he gets up to mischief in the bat of an eyelash and also needs help in learning /attaining his goals. I think Emma is resenting this as well as the very little time she gets to spend alone with me. Once open and happy to see him enter her room she now closes the door and says she does not want him to make a mess in it. We always try to respect her wishes when it comes to her room/space/things but when they are in the play-room and he has got hold of a toy first, then she is asked to wait her turn to use it if they cannot share it. This is a major battle. Umph.

Anyway, going back to the food issue,  any ideas or suggestions? 

new doctors and William at 20 months

One of the key things to find when you move especially if you have any sort of medical condition and kids - are good doctors.  Hopefully I have started tackling that mountain.

Yesterday I saw 3 doctors!!! It just so happened that I got some references and my act into gear and appointments all bunched up.

The first was a gynaecologist; he was lovely as well as German, fluent in English, married to a Greek woman pediatrician, father of 3 kids, trained in Munich and ready to take the time to explain all possible contraception that might work for me. I nearly had the impression I had gone for coffee with a friend. 

The second was a very renowned endocrinologist (for my thyroid) and although I am a bit wary of the "very renowned" as they can be professor-ish and not good with patients, I really liked this one. He also took a lot of time to explain things and checked my thyroid (with his hands) and prescribed blood tests that made sense. We talk on Monday.

The third was for William - we saw his pediatrician, Poppy, for his pneumococcal vaccine. We also measured and weighed him and so we have some numbers.

William, 20 months:

• 86 cm tall
• 12,5 kg
• very smily and happy and still not very talkative except for:

1. Mamaaah 
2. Papap' 
3. Mameuuuh
4. nez (nose in French)
5. teuk (take or tiens we are not really sure and perhaps neither is he)
6. ça (this in French)
7. up (for pick up, put up, go up the stairs but also sometimes for open)
8. "co" for "encore" (more in French)
9. "haa" for hot
10. Aema (Emma)

In our case, girls are really faster talkers than boys!

What else?

• nods his head for "yes", shakes for "no"
• points and pulls you and shows you where to sit if you are not sitting in your usual place
• brings you his plate when he is hungry
• loves emptying the dishwasher and putting things away (only one glass broken so far!)
• still has the cutest walk (kind of swings his hips and shoulders like a tough bodyguard)
• at bed-time in his bed, tucks my arm under his body so I can't leave. (heart melting)

 

William this morning in the kitchen playing with the serving spoons

Food glorious food

Just skimming over the last couple of posts here and realized that after having announced the holidays in one pic it was over by the next. 

So what did we actually do over the past two weeks here with the kids?

Christmas and palm trees - what a change from Christmas in Vienna!

We did a lot of drawing and crafts, made some Christmas drawings and cards, some bicycling, lots of going to parks (indoor and outdoor), we read and played and got dressed up in party skirts and shoes.

William at kindergarden 

   

William wearing his new helmet on our street (they have nearly finished - the srteet lampsare due up in January)

William at the  park having fun on the sea-saw 

On the food front we tried some lovely new recipes of which the festive and super easy Wibbly Wobbly Clementine Jelly (by Jamie Oliver) and the no less yummy but more refined pear and rosemary crostini on white as snow goat's cheese. Mmmm.
Emma, despite her absolutely maddening impossibly picky attitude to food (But I don't like that Mummy! as soon as she hears we are not having pasta or rice) thankfully liked both. Phew! (more on that perhaps in another post)

We went to the kids first Christmas shows (Emma wanted to be Mrs Claus but ended up quite happy to be an elf), we reassured that Santa did not need snow to come to our home, wrapped presents,  watched Santa videos and opened presents  - Emma opened one before we were all around the tree and then cried and pouted with disappointment for it was not what she had asked from Santa. Luckily we had that one too but it got us off to a rather emotional start on Christmas day.

Emma watching her personalized Santa video before breakfast

My yellow car arrived!

 

Steph bought some new cool eye-glasses

We had some horrifically junk-foodish crêpes

We went to a man-made lake

and saw some reindeer and bambi!  

We attended a Greek Orthodox Christening and after party (I was Godmother to the very cute and chubby baby D. who made it very clear she did not like being dunked in blessed water one bit, but who was over it within a couple of hours whereas both her mother and I needed a stiff drink!)  and I enjoyed a nice girly afternoon bubbly the day before with baby her Mummy and auntie A. 

Baby D. in Mums arms at Salumaio

We had a yummy home-made Christmas lunch (noix de veau with pancetta, lemon and milk, mashed potatoes and green beans) which we all enjoyed except Emma (what child does not like mashed potatoes???); a lovely Christmas tea with friends (Italian style with Panettone and desert wine) and a day-after Christmas lunch (Greek time, meaning we were famished when we sat down to eat at nearly 3pm!!) but it was worth the wait. 

For New Year's Eve we had a lovely catered dinner at neighbour's house and the kids were all very well behaved despite going to bed much later than usual. 

We even managed to have early lunch with the kids at a typical Greek taverna with lots of lovely meze; aubergine cream and tzatziki, zucchini balls, mint meatballs and roasted peppers  and yoghurt with honey for desert. Delicious and garlicky. William absolutely loved it (eating the aubergine cream with a spoon and licking it off the bread) and even Emma had to concede that the tzatziki and meatballs were delicious. (Phew! again!!)

We happily managed to avoid too much hectic shopping and survived the crazy Athens traffic despite 2 Mercedes crashing into our cars in three days! 

So I guess for the most part it was about a lot of food and festivities, creativity (in the kitchen and with the kids), gifts and entertaining and sharing.  Hope your was fun too!

Oh and  Happy New Year!!!

Going

William is not yet fully comfortable using his balance bike... so he carries it!

First day of holidays

William the cat (2)

William the cat

Emma the butterfly

I'm a third culture kid!

and it looks like my kids are also!!!

A definition I liked of a Third Culture Kid (TCK) is "a child who spends a significant time of his/her developmental years outside of the parents culture. The TCK builds relationships to all of the cultures while not having full ownership of any."

If you think you might be too or that your kids are, then please listen to this interview with Ruth Van Reken.

It's great actually to have a name to this "I come from nowhere and everywhere" identity of mine. I always felt that living all over the place made me feel kind of "rootless" because I was always different even if what I knew and what I had seen, learned and experienced was practically always presented in a positive light, for me there has always been a sense of not belonging and loss that I have found hard to manage. When I am here, I feel from there, and when I am there I also feel foreign.

It was kind of comforting for me to hear this person say that because everyone is always talking about the positives, you feel almost ungrateful when you express the losses or the fact that your identity is full of holes bigger than any cheese. She also talks about the unresolved grief which was a total slap in the face it felt so true to me.

When people ask me where I am from, to this day I try to explain in the truest possible manner the entirety of my origins because I cannot say that I am "only" Swiss/ Slave/ South African-English/ a world-citizen/ a little bit of all 9 countries I have liven in. When asked what my mother tongue is, I can only truthfully say my mother's language is English or that I spoke 3 languages at the age of 3; my mother's, my father's and Italian since at that moment, we were living in Italy. It's as if I need to explain my lack of belonging or my links to all the different places that are part of me. Maybe kind of crazy?

... to be continued

In the meantime, here are some related links:

tck world
tckid
International family transitions

N.B. I started writing this post three days ago then got interrupted by my  third culture kids and their international musical requests on youtube!

Recent Emma-isms

While brushing her teeth with a new minty toothpaste
Emma: Mummy! it's too spicy!!

***

On our Sunday afternoon walk:
E: Mummy, I want to go back to the car now.
Me: Yes, Emma, we are walking back to the car now.
E: But Mummy, we must hurry up before it gets dark.

***

Also during the walk:
E: No, Mummy, Willy wants to hold my hand, not yours!

***

While putting her to bed:
E: Where are you going now Mummy?
Me: Downstairs
E: what are you going to do there?
Me: Have dinner with daddy. Good night now sweetie. I'll see you in the morning.
E: When will it be morning?
Me: at 7 o'clock. Nightie night.
E: but  Mummy! I will wake up when you have dinner.

***

After waking from her nap Sunday afternoon nap
E: When are we going to have breakfast Mummy?
Me: Tomorrow morning. Now it's tea time.
E: Mummy? What's for lunch?

***

While walking: 
E: Mummy, shall I tell you something?
Me: Yes, Emma
E: Concombre! (cucumber in French)

***

In the car: 
William: aap, aap!
Emma: Mummy, William is saying apple!

The count-down begins

Emma has already started asking "How long until Santa comes? When will it be Christmas?" A way to countdown the days helps her manage her impatience. I think. Or maybe it's just getting more sugar into her system. ;-(

Last year we painted Christmas tree shaped boxes and numbers to create our home made advent calendar. Some of the boxes are now tough to open and/or close but it still looks pretty and it's usable. Here are some cute ideas of some home made advent calendars to help you manage the countdown to Christmas! (and keep them busy while making them this afternoon). 

Oh! how I miss Creatopia and Libro just down the street from where we used to live in Vienna.

In front of our house

they are making a paved street (paid entirely by the resident owners) and finishing the neighbour's house

a lot of dust, a lot of noise and some sunny blue sky

Hopefully by December the street will be done!

This week's happy and or victorious moments

This week's happy and or victorious moments

• our new cleaning lady: "Ma'am, uh, why do all French people have only beige (in their) houses? I clean for many French ladies and everything is beige. Why??? My house blue and white, your house orange, red, colourful...why only beige?" 
• Emma loved her swimming lesson this time around! SO much can change in just a few months! She will now be going on Thursday mornings in stead of art. It's a shame she will miss art class but I do think she needs to learn to swim (or at least tolerate the water) before hitting the pool and Greek beaches this summer AND I welcome any kind of physical activity for her since we are no longer walking anywhere! I REALLY miss walking around neighborhood parks and shops. ;-(
• I dragged my butt out and had coffee with 2 Mums (separately!!) and still managed. Although dinners this week have been quick pasta, rizi-bizi, fish-fingers, scrambled eggs and soups after a number more elaborate dinners (chicken rosemary and rice stew, Italian chunky soup, home made hamburgers...) were totally rejected by my kids.
• With the help of one of the above-mentioned Mums and Vodaphone I got my iPhone voicemail menu to speak English!! Yes!
• Having started this in Vienna with impressive results I have made an appointment to continue IPL treatment on my legs!   I really want smooth legs that do not require daily/weekly/monthly care in the Greek sunny weather!! Yippee!
• William's new "nickname" (by the neighbours' three boys) : "Microscopico William". This is the equivalent of "little one" or "piccolino" in Italian but to my foreign ears it sounds like he is as tiny as an insect or bacteria to be viewed under a microscope (of course!). It makes me smile every time I hear it.

That's all for now!

Olive picking time

Olive trees are being shaken down for olives in fields and street corners by owner's and passers by. It's olive picking time!

Siblings

Emma and Will on the kitchen floor. It's great watching them play together ;-)

Clickety-click they go

William at his new kindergarten

And I forgot to mention another favorite activity of his in my recent post; William loves emptying the dishwasher!

Athens in the rain

Today it was raining, 5° and really windy so we took the metro out of our privileged neighbourhood to the centre of Athens - we got off at Omonia and walked to Monastiraki. It felt like a different world.

William 18+ months

November 2011, William in our Athens kitchen having some juice.

He loves dancing, music, eating ham/salami/cheese/bacon/carbonara/clementines/grapes, running, playing, incessantly re-arranging my muffin moulds, books, being tickled, playing with Emma, laughing, hiding, hanging his coat up/putting his coat on, baths, playing with water, climbing, slides...

He hates waiting for dinner, car-seat straps, having his nappy changed when he is in the middle of something, being stopped.

He eats using a fork and spoon quite well but sometimes helps himself with his fingers. He pulls his bib off and hands you his plate when he is done. He does not hesitate much.
He has super sensitive skin and the bluest eyes. 

He says Mama and Papa and something that sounds like Emma, ah (with many different tones), oh, oh-oh, ugghhh, he clicks his tongue, he can carry a tune. To answer questions he nods his head and laughs, he shakes his head and laughs. He understands absolutely everything we say in French and increasingly more in English but he does not talk  - still prefers grunting, shouting, sighing, laughing...

He is the sweetest funniest darlingest boy. He is stubborn and curious, he is enthusiastic. He is provocative and charming.

Lonely but wanting to stay snuggly home

Sitting at Starbucks having an English breakfast tea by myself. Reminds me of many caffe latte's in Izmir's Starbucks with my friend I. Hoping some time soon I will be having a chatty visit to Starbucks here too. Still pretty lonely here.

Will is gradually adapting to his new Kindergarden although he is still unhappy when I leave. Also one of his back teeth is pushing through which does not help.
I am feeling REALLY tired despite going to bed early. Also having head aches. An article I read about listening to your intuition recommended you stop and examine how you feel repeatedly throughout the day and said that tiredness and headaches are a sign of your compass being off. Indeed... My body seems to just want to stay snuggly home away from the wind with a warm blanket and a good book or movie. I think I am going to head home after the food shopping and do just that.

Will's favorite passtime

Taking things out of cupboards and arranging them in a row.